Previous Poems of the Week
Please click on the headings below to read from the collection of previous weekly poems.
POEMS OF THE WEEK 2021
4/1/21 NATURE'S WISDOM
Nature has a wisdom
Beyond the realm of science
That permeates all living things
From ants to forest giants
From mighty whales to fungi
From bugs that crawl and creep
To jungle vines and mountain goats
Or sponges of the deep
From garden plants to blossom trees
From cacti to wild cats
From fish to dogs to bumble bees
Baboons to bears or bats
From birds that soar the open skies
From slugs to modern man
There is a web that binds us all
Its universal span
Extends beyond the physical
And strict constraints of time
For nature is a poem
And life itself a rhyme
18/1/21 GARDENNING ABSOLUTES
Time spent in a garden
Will help you to relax
Growing things like lilies
Lox or flox or flax
Or you could grow chrysanthemums
Rhodo’s or azaleas
Begonias or geraniums
Daffodils or dahlias
You could grow new potatoes
Sprouts or leafy greens
Turnips or tomatoes
Parsnips peas or beans
You could grow either fruit or nut
Or ornamental trees
You could grow a thousand things
And all of them would please
But in gardens there are just
Two ‘absolutes’ to grow
And they are old and happy
As all good gardeners know
You could grow old and bitter
Or tired it is true
But in a nurtured garden
That’s really hard to do
To work with nature’s cycles
Its force its ebb and flow
Is to find understanding and
Contentment as you grow
Appreciate the beauty
The bounty for the table
And stop to smell the roses
Whenever you are able
In any garden there are just
Two ‘absolutes’ to grow
And they are old and happy
As all good gardeners know
11/1/21 GOODBYE TO THE WHITEHOUSE
Donald the president packed a sad
And said goodbye to the Whitehouse
Off he went with a bit of a hump
Trump, trump, trump
The head of the house was calling
For him to be impeached
She met one night
With the left and the right
But no deal could be reached
So
Donald the president packed his trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off he went with a bit of a hump
Trump, trump, trump
POEMS OF THE WEEK 2020
06/01/2020 GOLDEN GLOBES
Fresh flowers flown from Florence
To grace the Golden Globes
Nothing but the best for those
Dressed in their finest robes
Eco-woke celebrities
Instruct the doting hoards
On how to save the planet
While accepting their awards
Limiting their travel to
Occasions such as these
They ease their carbon conscience with
A pledge to plant some trees
20/01/2020 PRESCIENT
I may not be clairvoyant, yet
But still I’ll make the call
Predictive text will never change
The writing on the wall
For I foresee that prophesy
Will come back into style
As will immortality
But only for a while
To have your finger on the pulse
Is not enough you’ll find
That being but two steps ahead
Still leaves you one behind
And even being prescient
These days is so last week
And if it’s not it will be soon
Just mark the words I speak
03/02/2020 INDEPENDANCE DAY
Despite vocal minorities
Like the far-left woke
Proclaiming doom and gloom
The British people spoke
Democracy delivered
After three long years
After temper-tantrums
Peevishness and tears
After rifts and wrangling
Disruption and delay
Self-determination
And sovereignty held sway
The union is flying
A party’s under way
The Brexit boat is sailing
It’s Independence Day
17/02/2020 URI GELLER
You can claim that there are ghosts
Or bases on the moon
But nothing stirs up skeptics
Quite like a Geller spoon
While there have been inquiries
By those with open minds
At research institutions
All one ever finds
Is scientific puzzlement
And those who want to vent
Frustrated skepticism as
They tell him to get bent
02/03/2020 THIRTY DAYS
Thirty days has September
April, June and November
All the rest have thirty-one
Bar February which for fun
Has twenty-eight plus something queer
Twenty-nine in each leap-year
Most leap-years fall four years apart
Starting at the century’s start
A century though that cannot be
Divided up numerically
By four hundred is I fear
Not an actual leap-year
16/03/2020 COVID 19
Reality is sinking in
The world we knew has changed
With borders closed and games postponed
And concerts rearranged
Commemorations cancelled
Down-sized and relocated
Kiwis stranded overseas
Tourists isolated
Financial markets plummeting
Shares are being sold
And drive-through visits to GPs
If you’ve a cough or cold
No handshakes, hugs or hongis
Instead it’s elbow bumps
And always keep your distance
In case the virus jumps
Industries are shutting down
Schools are not yet closed
But should there be a case confirmed
The question will be posed
There’s jobs and income on the line
So much will soon be gone
Until that time if you feel fine
Keep calm and carry on
For now it seems the only way
To save our sorry souls
Is wear a mask and wash our hands
And buy more toilet rolls
30/03/20 THE LOCK-DOWN DAYS
All across the country from
The comfort of their homes
Frustrated would-be writers will
Have set about their tomes
At last the time they’ve dreamed about
Has landed in their laps
And they’re busy taking selfies for
The inside-cover flaps
God knows how many diaries
In this creative phase
Will be penned as a record of
The Covid lock-down days
There’s bound to be a boon of books
Good news for those who need ’em
Let’s hope once this is over that
There’s someone left to read ’em!
13/04/20 TWO TUATARA
The latest stat is showing that
This virus can be beat
Baldwin Street is back on top
As the steepest street
And two tuatara too are
In the news this week
Their discovery – a recovery
Where things once were bleak
We had a Dad-dance winner
From somewhere down near bluff
And an East Otago farmer’s
Doing lock-down in the buff
So don’t fixate on doom and gloom
In these uncertain times
There’s lots of good news stories still
Down here in southern climes
27/04/20 STAND AS ONE
At our driveways
At our gates
Waiting for the sun
We stand in isolation yet
Our nation stands as one
Remembering the fallen and
The sacrifices made
This year though
No dawn gatherings
No soldiers on parade
Denied our ANZAC services
By lock-down rules – and yet
In our own strange adversity
A stronger bond is set
11/05/20 GOLD
The south is soaked in autumn
Cloaked in auburn gold
The treasure trove of turning leaves
A pleasure to behold
Trees aglow with sunlit tones
Shed their skins like snakes
And stand like threadbare skeletons
Amidst the fallen flakes
Backlit leaves illuminate
With their fleeting glory
A metamorphic metaphor
A rags-to-riches story
Oaks of ochre slumber as
Burnt umber is revealed
While pools of liquid amber are
A flaming burnished shield
Copper hues and ruby reds
Blaze like fiery flares
The richness of their colours
25/05/20 FOGO
Is it the fear of going out?
Or ‘FOGO’ as it’s known
Or ‘JOSH’ – the joy of staying home
That keeps me here alone?
I’ve been confined in lock-down
In a bubble for so long
That now I am reluctant to
Go out and join the throng
It’s like my home’s become a boat
And I’ve been out at sea
And now that land is back in sight
I want to just stay free
I want to just keep going like
Some bloke behind the wheel
A woman in an argument
An interest only deal
A Reader’s Digest lottery
A degustation meal
A snowball down a mountain or
Or a sore that will not heal
I simply want to hunker down
Remain a happy hermit
In splendid isolation
With no-one to confirm it
08/06/20 LEVEL ONE
We’ve now moved into level one
The country’s feeling great
We smashed the covid virus
It’s time to celebrate
This time no yellow underarm
No sneaky hotel Suzie
No unacknowledged forward pass
No biased reffing doozie
No winning sailing race cut short
To fit in TV ads
No extra runs awarded to
Deprive our likely lads
No dodgy bent road measurements
To steal our steepest street
This time we were not cheated and
We got the virus beat
We all deserve a drink, a hug
A big bouquet of flowers
Twenty-two sad losses but
This victory is ours
22/06/20 SOLST-ICE
From tomorrow-on each day
Grows warmer, brighter, longer
The golden orb climbs higher
Its presence ever stronger
The winter solstice has been reached
The nadir point’s been passed
The dark of night now shortens
With every frost that’s cast
The solstice ice is scattered in
Fine splinters on the lawn
Crispy sunlight shattering
The cold reluctant dawn
Crunchy prints are crimped into
A track across the grass
Compressing shards of frosted flakes
That gleam like crystal glass
The stiff clothes on the laundry-line
Hang frozen to the core
The question is: to take them in
06/07/20 HONG KONG DING DONG
Don’t assemble in a throng
Don’t dis’ the flag or national song
Don’t cause a diplomatic pong
Don’t tell the world there’s something wrong
Don’t beat the freedom drum or gong
Democracy’s gone on too long
Might is right and we’re too strong
For any ding-dong in Hong Kong
20/07/20 QR CODES
In the queue are
Those who view our
QR codes as crap
For how much longer
Will they linger
Fingering their app
Still others say a-
–nother way they
Could go is a trap
And cards with chips
That map our trips
Won’t fill the tracing gap
Technology
May be the key
If it falls in our laps
Or could it be
Our apathy
We need to change – perhaps?
03/08/20 RADIO PROGRESS
Remember in the olden days
How voices sounded fine
When international interviews
Came down a copper line
When via our valve radios
Discussions could be heard
No fading out or breaking up
On every second word
But now we’ve Skype and mobile phones
And radio streaming too
And progress has deprived us of
That clarity we once knew
17/08/20 WAKA
A waka of five million
Would be an awesome sight
All paddling together
Out of the covid night
By pulling on the left
And pulling on the right
Our waka would ride straight and true
Towards the dawning light
Together for a common goal
But take one set away
And the harder that we paddle
The more we go astray
If only those who think like us
Are ever given oars
We’ll just go round in circles
That’s one of nature’s laws
31/08/20 WINTER’S END
Where’s the snow we waited for
All this season long?
Where’s the winter wonderland
The sleigh-bell jingle song?
No fairytale-like landscape
No trees with cloaks of snow
No picture-perfect postcard scenes
Everywhere you go
No children making snowmen
No all-in snowball fights
No families enjoying
A snowy slope’s delights
No fields of fluffy whiteness
No drifts in which to play
Instead it’s just another boring
Blue-sky sunny day
14/09/20 SUNNY SMILES
Giving is the greatest gift
So when you feel you are adrift
Give yourself a little lift
By giving lots of smiles
Though at first it may seem strange
To force your face to re-arrange
You will soon feel an inner change
As you forget your trials
When you think you’ve got the knack
Give to those whose faces lack
A smile and you’ll find they’ll give back
The sunshine on their dials
28/09/20 PUMA PUMA
‘Tiger, tiger burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye’
-But that was all in days gone by
Now puma, puma burning black
Somewhere off the beaten track
Still no mortal’s camera yet
Has framed more than a family pet
12/10/20 INFECTIOUS SMILE
The Collins – Ardern catfight
Billed as a debate
Show how low they have to go
In order to relate
It wasn’t only Judith
In spite of what they’re saying
When Donald caught the virus
The whole world started praying
Covid nineteen may have lain
Him low for just a while
But now he’s back campaigning
With his infectious smile
26/10/20 NETBALLS UP
For a four-team tournament
Just how hard can it be?
To sort out different playing strips
So everyone can see
Who is playing for which side
That’s not too much to ask
But for some professionals
That’s still too great a task
Did no-one in Netball NZ
Even stop to think
Three teams kitted-out in black
Just one in shocking pink
Not even netball bibs at hand
The sort with strings attached
And no-one keen to play in skins
For fear they might get scratched
A different coloured uniform
For each of the four teams
Is about as likely though
As equal pay it seems
2/11/20 SAIL THE SEVEN C’s
‘C’ is for Cook and Castle Point
And Colville if you please
To sail around New Zealand is
To sail the Seven C’s
Through Chalmers, Conway, Chatham Isles –
Most east point of our nation
And finally the seventh ‘C’
Is circumnavigation
You’ll sail through more sea-areas
There’s others, not just these
But sail around New Zealand and
You’ve sailed the Seven ‘C’s
23/11/20 WORK-LIFE BALANCE
There’s something sad about a man
Who knows the bottom line
Better than he knows the taste
Of fear or summer wine
Better than he knows the sound
Of children on a beach
Better than the lessons that
The little ones can teach
There’s something sad about a man
Who dresses to impress
And bought his house because he thought
It had a good address
Who watches what the market does
And follows all the trends
But keeps a little cash on hand
So he can buy some friends
There’s something sad about a man
Who can’t see passed the price
Of the entry ticket or
The cost of being nice
Who never gives to charity
Without a photo shot
Nor visits with the elderly
Despite the time he’s got
There’s something sad about a man
Who says he only knows
The sweet smell of success and yet
He can’t describe a rose
And when it comes to going wild
He wears a paper hat
I think there’s something really sad
About a man like that
7/12/20 IT'S NOT CRICKET
They tell me there’s a test match on
And our home team are playing
A welcome taste of summer
If you know what I’m saying
But –
No commentary on radio
No coverage on TV
They sold the rights to Spark and now
It’s on-line for a fee
It’s called ‘progress’ by those who say
We’ll like it if we lick it
But it don’t taste like summer and
It certainly ain’t cricket
21/12/20 SUMMER'S GONE
That’s it, we’ve had the solstice
The summer’s all but gone
Everyday get’s shorter
And darker from now on
Each daybreak brings more trauma
An ache in every joint
It isn’t even Christmas yet
But frankly, what’s the point?
You never get the gifts you want
The kids will all be screaming
The turkey will be tofu and
All sports confined to streaming
The crackers will be full of crap
Bad jokes and plastic trash
And something that you’ve eaten will
Bring on a nasty rash
The artificial Christmas tree
Strung up with flashing lights
Will be about as festive as
A shift-worker on nights
The weather will be miserable
The outlook will appall
And so I say sincerely
Bah humbug to you all
13/01/2020 POLITICS AND POETRY
Whither will we go this year?
Centre, left or right?
And how will we be influenced?
And who will call the fight?
The ‘ups and downs’ and ‘ins and outs’
Of politics persist
And so the often ‘off and ons’
May yet provide a twist
But if the varied ‘pros and cons’
Are all to be brain-stormed
The answer surely is that a
Committee should be formed
27/01/2020 TERRY JONES
Another ‘Python’ has passed on
His legacy remains
A triumph and a treasury
Of tears from laughter-pains
Thanks to all the comedy
And mirth that he created
The genius of Terry Jones
Will long be celebrated
10/02/2020 FM ALL
We need to dumb down RNZ
Our youth must be appeased
And automation’s cheaper so
Bean-counters will be pleased
No other station plays the type
Of music that youth like
So Concert FM has been told
That it can take a hike
We need to be inclusive so
Elitism is out
Conforming and diversity
Is what it’s all about
24/02/2020 FREE SPEECH – HATE SPEECH
Of course free speech should not be banned
Just carefully rationed out
Based on ideologies
We want to bring about
Free speech for those who think like us
And tow the party line
Who think that censorship of those
We love to hate is fine
Free speech for those whose politics
Coincide with ours
And want to grant the thought-police
More draconian powers
Some still don’t see the irony
But I find it absurd
That those who are against free speech
Insist on being heard
09/03/2020 CYCLE HELMETS
Cyclists must wear helmets due
To how car drivers drive
They may not be the culprits but
It helps them to survive
But if they rode on footpaths and
That reasoning holds true
Then surely all pedestrians
Will have to wear one too
If fifteen ‘Ks’ is safe for them
Then that should be the bar
At which to set the speed for cars
And leave bikes where they are
Then walkers too could use the roads
With cyclists, cars and busses
A simple quick solution
One wonders what the fuss is!
23/03/2020 THE WILDERNESS
Two weeks in the wilderness
Taking in the views
Immersed in Mother Nature
Away from any news
Communing with the lakes and trees
Fording bush-lined streams
Sleeping where the starry skies
Make in-roads on your dreams
Emerging from the mountains
Into the nearest town
To find an eerie silence and
The nation in lock-down
The streets all but abandoned
Where traffic once was rife
Panic buying in the shops
The only sign of life
So where now is the wilderness?
And where society?
Here in the concrete jungle or
Back there where dreams were free?
06/04/20 UPSIDE DOWN
They say be still and know thyself
But hills and trees and town
All seem unfamiliar now
The world’s turned upside down
The autumn sun is shining through
Another lock-down day
The teddy-bears are watching but
There’s no-one out to play
The streets have been abandoned
The parks are all deserted
There’s no-one on the harbour where
The hills have been inverted
In its mirrored surface
They hang down from the sky
While we watch on from lock-down
And heave another sigh
20/04/20 CAPTAIN TOM
Round and round the garden
Like a teddy bear
Captain Tom Moore’s sponsored laps
Raised funds beyond compare
Give the man a knighthood
And thank those who chipped in
To support the heroes fighting
For our kith and kin
Over twenty million pounds
For the NHS
Still going strong at ninety-nine
Captain Tom – God bless
Round and round the garden
Like a teddy bear
Captain Moore has shown us what
Can happen when you care
04/05/20 THE HUSH
The neighbourhood in lock-down’s an
Extended sanctuary
Its solitude and silence has
A dreamtime quality
The hush is not a muffled pall
Like in a library
It has a sharp clean crispness of
Cathedral clarity
The harbour grey and languid
Reflects upon the past
A calm envelopes everything
But how long will it last?
A two-stroke motor-mower rips
The silence from the sky
Chews it up and spits it out
A trailer rattles by
A dog barks in the distance
Beyond the traffic’s drone
A tui in the lancewood tree
Practices alone
The water’s still impassive
The sky’s still overcast
The gentle hush though, torn to shreds
I knew it wouldn’t last
18/05/20 LOLLY SCRAMBLE
For containing covid
We all can stand up proud
And yet so many squeaking wheels
Have never squeaked so loud
I want to have a hand-out
Not just a helping hand
And compensation for the things
I failed to understand
Pick me, pick me
I want to be
A beneficiary
So long as there’s no stigma and
The money’s all tax-free
We need to make some changes though
To beneficiary bashing
Now that some of us do not
Deserve a verbal lashing
My lawyer says that legally
A subsidy’s my right
So technically on paper
I’m not a parasite
Pick me, pick me
I want to be
A beneficiary
So long as there’s no stigma and
The money’s all tax-free
So many billions in the cake
For your slice – stand in line
And there the squabbling begins
‘His slice is bigger than mine’
I’ll take this cash-for-nothing since
I have been doing it rough
But on the understanding that
I don’t think it’s enough
Pick me, pick me
I want to be
A beneficiary
So long as there’s no stigma and
The money’s all tax-free
01/06/20 JUUKAN GORGE CAVE
For forty thousand years these caves
Revered as sacred sites
Have witnessed all of history’s
Passing days and nights
Forty thousand years is just
So hard to comprehend
As is the reason for their sad
Barbaric sudden end
The mindless greed of somebody
In Rio Tinto’s pay
To blow them up because a permit
Says that it’s OK
Defies all understanding
Affronts all decency
To wipe out forty thousand years
For what? –more currency!
What brutal atavistic mind
Devoid of cultured thought
Could contemplate then bring about
The devastation wrought
The crime they’ve perpetrated is
Not corporate vandalism
For such a heinous act that term’s
Too mild a euphemism
15/06/20 DIVIDED WORLD
The world has been divided up
By I.D. politics
The content of one’s character
No longer in the mix
The world has been divided setting
Brother against brother
Each one more indignant and
Self-righteous than the other
The world has been divide up
Into abusive lists
Chauvinist misogynists
Or fascist feminists
Gender-based agendas
And favours curry votes
But also set extremists
At each other’s throats
Wedges of division
Are being driven in
To separate and judge each by
The colour of their skin
Racists and colonialists
V urban terrorists
And anarchists and arsonists
V white supremacists
The content of one’s character’s
No longer in the mix
Now the visionary dream
Is I.D. politics
29/06/20 EASTER ISLANDERS
No longer grunting cavemen
Clad in skins and furs
We’re now a global species
Of Easter Islanders
Technologically advanced
And so sophisticated
How long before we leave the world
Completely decimated
One wonders what great monument
Gazing out to sea
Will stand as testimony to
Our own stupidity
But maybe in a million years
Without humanity
Our planet will recover
And regain its harmony
And for another million years
Soft waves will lap the shores
Sweet breezes sweep the prairies
The mountaintops and moors
Fresh springs will feed the rivers
Clean rivers fill the lakes
Great forests ring with birdsong
Each time a new dawn breaks
And for another million years
With life co-ordinated
All trace that humans ever were
Will be obliterated
The greatest ever structures
Our species has produced
Have lasted but four thousand years
And now stand much reduced
All monoliths may well repel
The sun and wind and rain
But in a million years from now
Nothing will remain
13/07/20 FOOD FOR THOUGHT
With Walker gone by lunchtime
For feeding media sharks
And Muller forced to eat his own
Disparaging remarks
There’ll be some bogus reason why
Michelle fell foul of fate
A smorgasbord of reasons why
She’d too much on her plate
It seems the Cock-a-leaky soup
Was one of many courses
The media made a meal of it
But wouldn’t share its sauces
So what then are the take-aways?
The learnings and alerts?
You bite off more than you can chew
You get your just desserts
27/07/20 STATE OF THE NATION
Party launches
Party lunches
Parties out to lunch
Assignations
Resignations
Unemployment crunch
Northland rains
Ti Wai pains
Absconding quarantiners
The puritans
The surly fans
The left and far-right leaners
Press releases
Rates increases
May well make us frown
Thank god we’ve no
Pandemic though
To bring the country down
10/08/20 HOARDINGS
Campaign season’s under way
The billboards are marauding
Go round any corner
And there’s another hoarding
A mushroom-like phenomenon
That sprouted over night
Defiling all our neighbourhoods
With an abhorrent sight
A plethora of posters
Polluting public places
A sudden surge of signage
A sea of smiling faces
Beseeching us to vote for them
– Come Election Day
Till then the mess of messages
Amassing here will stay
24/08/20 HOW DONALD SAVED NEW ZEALAND
To oversee so many deaths
Is tragic not just sad
Then not to want what we have is
Quite callous if not mad
The Trump though may have given us
The spur that Kiwis need
To reach for the old ‘I’ll show him’
‘Massive outbreak indeed’!
By acting like the villain in
A children’s pantomime
The mouth of Donald Trump just might
Have done some good this time
07/09/20 FATHERS’ DAY
It’s Fathers’ Day today and so
If Dad is still in bed
Wake him up
With a nice cup
Of tea and toasted bread
And let him choose the toppings
Marmalade or jam
Vegemite
Or something light
Or if he wants it – ham
Then if he wants to lounge around
Wear track-pants just for fun
Have a beer
Or watch Top Gear
The rugby or F.1.
Or a film with Scharzenegger
Willis, Depp or Cruise
Remember: hey
It’s Fathers’ Day
He gets to pick and choose
But as for pricey presents
Here is my advice
A power-tool
May make him drool
A card though will suffice
21/09/20 STRONG TEA
THE ‘STRONG TEAM – MORE JOBS – BETTER ECONOMY’ SLOGAN DECODED
Take away the ‘M’, ‘J’, ‘O’
The ‘E’ and ‘O’, ‘M’, ‘Y’
And you’ll reveal the hidden truth
Behind each brazen lie
Take away the ‘m’ from ‘team’
And anyone can see
That what you’ve got is not‘strong team’
It’s clearly just ‘strong tea’!
Then take the ‘j’ and ‘o’ from ‘jobs’
Though this may cause distress
You’ll find that what you’re left with
Is simply ‘more b s’
Take the ‘E’ and ‘o’, ‘m’, ‘y’
From ‘Economy’
And what you’ve got is ‘Better con’
For all to clearly see
The secret message reads ‘Strong Tea’
‘More b s’, ‘Better con’
The hidden truth revealed
With surplus letters gone.
05/10/20 TWO-HORSE RACE
The minor parties with ideas
Want to have a voice
And give the voting public more
Than just a Hobson’s choice
The big two though don’t want to share
Their air-time on TV
With those who may take votes off them
Under MMP
A two-horse race is what they want
To offer you and me
The lesser of two evils is though
Is poor democracy
19/10/20 PARTY COLOURS
You may be old
And good as gold
Or in a purple patch
Or you may find
You’re colour blind
And hues are hard to match
You may well think
You’re in the pink
And act as though it’s true
Or be as green
As a young teen
Or maybe feeling blue
Perhaps well-read
Or wear instead
A multi-coloured coat
But don’t lay blame
Or cry ‘for shame’
If you declined to vote
2/11/20 REEFERENDA
The cannabis reformers
Reached an all time high
Yet still not high enough to get
Their legislation by
Unlike the ‘end-of-life-choice’ lot
Who thanks to digging deep
Stopped their bill from being
Prematurely put to sleep
The Roses proved a thorny side
But still the Ferns won out
Our All Blacks went to Sydney and
Extinguished any doubt
Scot Dixon was crowned champion
The ‘Tron‘ was given praise
The US voting circus moved
Into its final phase
And since we’ve no new cases here
Of covid nineteen
The boys and girls and ghouls and ghosts
Came out for Halloween
16/11/20 THE ECONOMY
Finance is a fickle thing
And right now things are bad
Businesses are going broke
The market’s going mad
I’ve heard that the economy
Is suffering – how sad
It’s being anthropomorphized
A common, modern fad
Sometimes it gets excited
Sometimes it gets depressed
Or shows some signs of nervousness
That need to be addressed
We’ve pandered to its whimsies
We’ve tried to fill its cup
But even human sacrifices
Haven’t cheered it up
What’s needed is a new approach
To help it reach its dream
Perhaps a course of counselling
Could boost its self-esteem
30/11/20 A CERTAIN AGE
At a time of innocence
Ignorance and fears
We judge and pass self-sentencing
Upon our coming years
‘Don’t let me live past forty’
But as that deadline nears
Our old youth-centred worldview
Matures and disappears
We recognise we’re needed by
Our kids and parents too
And that we live for others
To help them all get through
It’s surely not worth living with
Grey hair and wrinkled skin’
‘Don’t let me live past sixty where
Senility sets in
Forgetting what you’ve said of course
Is really not that bad
And forgetting what you’ve said of course
Is really not that bad
‘Don’t let me live past eighty
I don’t want to be ancient
A burden on society
A grumpy bedbound patient’
It’s not until you get there though
And recollections stir
You realize just how naive
And ageist you once were
I’ll live to be a hundred and
I’ll get that telegram
I’ll live to be hundred and
I’ll have champagne and ham
I’ll live to be a hundred though
The candles on my cake
Will add to global warming
And the party cause a quake
I’ll not let others tell me what
I should and shouldn’t do
’Cause fuck it at a hundred you’re
One of the fearless few
14/12/20 CHRISTMAS GOOSE
Christmas is coming
The goose is getting fat
But the vegetarians
Are having none of that
They want a tofu turkey
With pumpkin humus stuffing
But if you haven’t got one
Don’t fret you’re missing nothing
Only honest vegans
Will openly admit
They have a healthy diet but
Their meals all taste like porridge
28/12/20 20 20 REVIEW
With twenty-twenty hindsight we
Review the year just past
Had we but seen it coming
We would have been aghast
There were fires, floods and droughts
Cyclones and tsunamis
Devastating earthquakes
The calling out of armies
Coups and insurrections
Protests and defections
Champions and villains
Extinctions and elections
Celebrities that passed away
Sporting wins and losses
Unprecedented challenges
For workers and their bosses
We all went into lockdown
Or social distancing
As Covid nineteen overshadowed
Almost everything
So farewell twenty-twenty
Good riddance, no contrition
We will not look back fondly on
Your dystopian vision
But looking to the future
What does the New Year hold?
Will global warming burn us up?
Or leave us in the cold
Will fracking crack our planet?
Will plastics choke our seas?
Will greed and hedonism bring
Our species to its knees?
Will vaccines conquer covid?
Will Charles attain the crown?
Will Trump concede defeat?
Will house prices come down?
Will we win in the cricket or
Retain the America’s cup?
And what is going to happen when
The one-eyed woke wake up?
Will all the virtue signalling
Continue to appal?
Will measures for equality
Extend to include all?
Will fake-news and hate-speech increase
Or simply fade away?
Will male netballers ever get
Respect or equal pay?
Will Christmas bring us insights
Into the joy of giving?
If we knew all the answers
Life wouldn’t be worth living
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
POEMS OF THE WEEK 2019
7/1/2019 THE NEW YEAR
The old year has departed
From places near and far
Around the world with fireworks
It blazed its last hurrah
It followed in succession
As every old year must
Consigned now to the history books
Where headlines turn to dust
The old year has expired
Its numbered days all spent
A new one has replaced it now
Chock full of good intent
Stepping up to take its place
All primed and set to go
A naive thing with bright wide eyes
How little does it know!
21/1/2019 NATURAL SELECTION
New Zealand’s future leaders
Have once again returned
To saunter through Dunedin’s streets
On line and unconcerned
Sucking on their water bottles
Earplugs in both ears
Eyes fixed on their handheld screens
Conversing with their peers
Walking into doors and signs
Bumping into poles
Tripping over kerbs and steps
Or falling into holes
Pausing as they cross the road
To read some vital tweet
Or view the latest image of
What someone had to eat
Putting into practice
Evolution’s latent thrust
Of natural selection
As another bites the dust
Perhaps they have a need for speed
Perhaps they’re running late
But now they have Lime scooters
To accelerate their fate
Best wrap them up in cotton wool
So they come to no harm
Or better yet a fadge of wool
Underneath each arm
Are these our future leaders?
Are these the best we’ve got?
These lemming-like automatons
Dear God I do hope not!
4/2/2019 DUNEDIN FLATS
What would you be needin’
In a flat down in Dunedin
Other than a beer fridge and a bed
With a safe place for your stash
And a floor to store your trash
Then you’re housing needs are met it could be said
With ceilings insulated
And the walls well decorated
With student art and traffic signs and cones
A kettle for a kitchen
And the pool when skin starts itchin’
You’ve a home away from home with undertones
You’ll need somewhere to study
In the morning or the nuddy –
’Cause it’s not as cold down here as some folk think
And if down-load speed’s essential
With our Giga-town potential
You can surf away each day from link to link
18/2/2019 DIVE DEEP
Where do true competitors go
For perfect line and length
They learn to go within themselves
To find their inner strength
What did Trubridge do to bridge
The fear of being crushed
He dived to depths within himself
Where all self doubt is hushed
4/3/2019 MR MILLENIAL HAD TO RE-BOOT
Mr Millennial had to re-boot
His hand-held device while out for a scoot
He had no crash helmet or hooter to toot
But took out two walkers, a bike and a ute
His front wheel locked up like a cat in a chute
And he flew through the air like a tossed piece of fruit
His injury list was described as acute
With a bump on his head that came up a ‘beaut’
The scooters were banned, the company got cute
As other Lime cities were following suit
An e-mail campaign turned out to be moot
As it wasn’t addressing the problem’s real root
For some it’s a laugh and a bit of a hoot
But A.C.C. compo is coughing up loot
And Mr Millennial, poor Mr Millennial
Mr Millennial still has to re-boot
18/3/2019 YOU HEARD IT FIRST
Despite the daily dosage
From places overseas
Of shootings and of bombings
And of vile atrocities
Despite the part they know they play
In dealing the fear
The media seem quite surprised
That this should happen here
They interviewed an expert
Broadcasted his advice:
‘Not to name the shooter’ but
Deemed that too high a price
Complicit as a platform
With which to create fame
Each channel wants to be the first
To name the killer’s name
1/4/2019 THE ISMISTS
You can’t shake hands with others
When both your hands are fists
You cannot bridge a schism
When your ‘ism’ still exists
Racism and sexism
And ageism persists
Along with other ‘isms’
On ever growing lists
The fault is always theirs not ours
Everyone insists
And my ‘ism’ trumps your ‘ism’
So say the ‘ism-ists’
15/4/2019 JOHN
We all have our own memories
Of the John we knew
The one’s I choose are of a man
With things to say and do
He’d set a brisk pace walking
Talking as he strode
Aware of all the noxious weeds
On any given road
He’d visit on occasions
Just to shoot the breeze
To share his thoughts on gardening
Or world calamities
John would bring the biscuits
I’d provide the tea
We’d pass a pleasant afternoon
Discussing poetry
Familiar with the classics
His knowledge outstripped mine
Well read, well bred, articulate
His eyes would dance and shine
But even those bright opals
Were outshone by his shoes
That gleamed with spit and polish
Reflecting old-school views
Views like common decency
Like helping when you can
Like taking time to spare a thought
For your fellow man
Like pride in one’s appearance
To show respect for others
Like sacrifice and service
With a regiment of brothers
That customs and tradition
Had meaning and a place
That music, arts and literature
Were where we would find grace
We also talked philosophy
Politics and sport
Religion and Theosophy
And lessons history taught
Our afternoons flew by – and then
So too the passing years
Bringing us up to today
A time of grief and tears
His troubled journey over now
His physical presence gone
But like his eyes and polished shoes
His memory will shine on
29/4/2019 THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE
Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Like a luminous cigar
You move at lightning speed
Back and forth across the sky
At first down low and then up high
No one knows quite how you fly
Or what it is you need
You’re not a bird, you’re not a plane
You vanish then come back again
A mystery you will remain
A U.F.O. indeed
13/5/2019 MOTHERS
It’s time to celebrate our mothers
And it seems our motherly others
So-called ‘work-mums’ are in line
For jewellery gifts, bouquets and wine
Don’t hug her though or shake her hand
As workplace touching may be banned
Just an air kiss and a gift
Will help us make this mental shift
It’s all about inclusiveness
All kinds of mums deserve less stress
So maybe Spark will run some ads
On mother’s day for solo dads
27/5/2019 EXTINCTION REVOLUTION
Animal extinctions
Global warming, war
Radiation, pesticides
Droughts and floods and more
Oceans filled with plastics
Heavy metals too
Should we change or carry-on
The way we always do
Some say that we’ve already passed
The point of no return
That judgement day is on its way
We simply didn’t learn
We’re standing on the precipice
Of annihilation
Looking at the end of days
For each and every nation
Apocalyptic changes
Depletion and pollution
Famine and diseases
And no imminent solution
It will be deemed a miracle
If anyone survives
But it’s business though as usual
Until that day arrives
10/6/2019 SHORTAGES
First the measles vaccine
Ran low when most required
Now the flu-jab stockpiles
Have practically expired
This is no coincidence
It’s something more outrageous
I think these vaccine shortages
Have now become contagious
24/6/2019 GREEDY CEO
Another greedy CEO
With money on his mind
Has been found out although in truth
There not that hard to find
It seems the millions that they’re paid
Just simply aren’t enough
They want somebody else to pay
For all their personal stuff
And down here in Dunedin
Right on the harbour side
A fertilizer CEO
Is trying to decide
If rugby players and their park
Should be allowed to stay
Or whether planned expansions and
More profit will hold sway
Ravensdown in Ravensbourn
Has ravenous intentions
It wants the use of Moller Park
To build its planned extensions
Get used to it New Zealand
In stoushes of this sort
Where big money is involved
Culture counts for nought
8/7/2019 KNOW THYSELF
A word or two of sage advice:-
In life be brave but fair
And whether wealth or problem
Be prepared to share
Use common sense and decency
Observe the golden rule
Respect the wise but list to
The poet and the fool
Take time to smell the roses
Take pride in all you do
But most importantly of all
Unto thyself be true
22/7/2019 THE LONELIEST MAN TO EVER LIVE
Strapped into a capsule
Atop a Saturn five
Not knowing if they’d make the moon
Or even just survive
Ignition of the boosters left
Their very being shaken
As they embarked upon the greatest
Journey ever taken
Rising up sedately
Holding straight and true
Shedding emptied fuel tanks
They climbed into the blue
Streaking through the atmosphere
Then in to outer space
To travel at phenomenal speeds
Far from the human race
The darkened lull of nothingness
As planet Earth receded
The waiting and the weightlessness
Their progress unimpeded
The landing module disengaged
Two astronauts on board
Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin
Their future fame assured
Descending to the surface
With systems overloaded
Amidst alarms and calls of ‘go’
Their confidence eroded
Off course and over boulders
On which they could be stranded
With only seconds left of fuel
The little Eagle landed
One small step for man took place
A quote we now all know
That giant leap for all mankind
Gave hope to us below
The loneliest man to ever live
Then went behind the moon
Cut off from humanity
Forgotten all too soon
Michael Collins was that man
Who circled like a shark
And while his mates made history
He was in the dark
Immersed in his own personal
Eclipse of Planet Earth
Watching the horizon
Awaiting its rebirth
From the other window
Nothing could be seen
But the twinkling stars
And the emptiness between
Lost in radio silence
Completely lost to view
To all of Earth’s humanity
And his fellow crew
Who walked upon the surface of
The moon in utter awe
Boldly going where no man
Had ever gone before
Mesmerised we watched as they
Set a flag in place
Took photos and rock samples then
Fare-welled Tranquillity base
A perfect lunar lift-off
Their docking done and then
Three heroes set their course anew
And headed home again
The trauma of re-entry
The splash-down in the sea
And then emerging from the pod
For all the world to see
Fifty years ago this week
While handing out cigars
Our species took a baby step
In reaching for the stars
5/8/2019 AGEIST DOG WHISTLING
Due to our identities
Some differences exist
So if you don’t agree with me
You’ll be some sort of ‘ist’
Because Jacinda is a mum
Calling her ‘part time’
Makes Simon Bridges sexist
Grant’s logic is sublime
Bridges though is Maori
Grant Robertson is not
So that makes Grant a racist
According to this plot
No-one though would call him that
Out of utter fear
Of being labelled ‘homophobe’
Since Robertson is queer
And before you shoot me down
For pointing out these views
Remember you’ll be next in line
For someone to abuse
I could be older than you are
I could be younger too
So either way you’re ageist if
You slate my point of view
19/8/2019 WOODSTOCK
They talk about it wistfully
The freedom and the hope
The rain, the mud, the music
The free love and the dope
I guess you had to be there
But some say those who were
Simply can’t recall it
The whole thing was a blur
Woodstock was a happening
A festival so rare
That those who do remember
Probably weren’t there
2/9/2019 FATHER'S DAY
Our fathers may be rich or poor
They may be young or old
Our fathers may be close at hand
Or left out in the cold
Defined by their careers
Or the sports they play
Or just their generosity
Or the things they say
Our fathers may be big or small
No-frills or debonair
But all they want this Sunday is
For you to know they care
16/9/2019 FOR THE RECORD
As stylish as a stylus
On a spinning forty-five
The sound was warm and vibrant
Rounded and alive
But music then was digitized
Compacted cleverly
For what they called the C.D. side
Of the industry
What goes around though comes around
So the saying goes
And nothing goes around so much
As the record shows
As a disc of vinyl
A twelve-inch, grooved L.P.
Turning on the table
At a stable thirty-three
30/9/2019 THE CLIMATE’S RIGHT FOR CHANGE
As temperatures and C.O.2.
And sea levels get higher
The voice out in the wilderness
Becomes the mainstream choir
The tipping point has been attained
The ‘hundredth monkey’ found
And climate change awareness
Is starting to abound
And with it global action
To wrestle back our fate
If only for the children
Let’s hope it’s not too late
14/10/2019 THIS WEEK
A Nobel prize for Ahmed,
A typhoon for Japan,
The Turks invaded Syria,
Eliud Kipchoge ran –
A sub-two-hour marathon,
The first space-walker died,
In the States a second whistle blower
Claimed Trump lied,
More Californian fires
While back here in N.Z. –
The sky is falling in
As cricket goes to Spark instead
The arrival of Endeavour was
Accorded no affection,
And half the people voted in
Their local body election
28/10/2019 FLUSHED WITH SUCCESS
Where there’s smoke there’s fire
And lots of water too
As flames leapt ever higher
Each dedicated crew
Kept their hoses playing
Until all flames were quenched
The whole convention centre though
Was caked with soot and drenched
The basement lake of water
Bursting at the seams
Was then flushed down the gurgler
Just like the All Blacks’ dreams
11/11/2019 THE RISE AND FALL OF FFORDD PEN LLECH
The rise and fall of Ffordd Pen Llech
Has been a sorry tale
Of subterfuge and trickery
But justice will prevail
At last a level playing field
For measuring two slopes
As Harlech’s lane’s inspected by
Someone who knows the ropes
Some say here and some say there
Is where one marks the fall
So, a middle of the road approach
Should be fair to all
Champions of Baldwin Street
In truth always believed
The title of world’s steepest street
Would one day be retrieved
And now that all the facts are in
I’m inclined to agree
That Baldwin is the steeper street
And by some degree
25/11/2019 FRUIT SALAD IMPEACHMENT
There is a whole fruit salad bowl
Of world currant affairs
To cherry-pick on any date
For use in rhyming pairs
The orange man may be impeached
For trying to cut a deal
And plumbing presidential lows
To bolster his appeal
Some think this is ridiculous
While some find it sublime
It seems he’s in a jam of sorts
And running out of time
I heard it through the grapevine though
Despite appalling folly
He hasn’t been affected by
Remorse or melon-choly
They say in love and politics
That it takes two to tango
But if thrown out of office
Then just where will this man go?
And at the core of politics
There’s substance to the myth
That some remove the little pips
And some just take the pith
09/12/2019 ISOLATED
Central’s lakes cause grave headaches
As water-levels rise
And tourist towns are flooded in
A summer-time surprise
The West coast route knocked out by slips
Due to rain and hail
The raging Rangitata has
Washed out both road and rail
Te Waipounamu cut in half
The South is isolated
Severed from humanity
The North is devastated
23/12/2019 NOT YOUR USUAL CHRISTMAS
Half-drunk cups of coffee
Are scattered here and there
Put down and then forgotten as
My mind moves on elsewhere
And overnight the borrowers
Steal things from open spaces
Then cunningly return them to
Most unexpected places
I’m constantly reminded that
My memory is going
My whatsit cells have thingummied
Without my even knowing
It’s true I get a bit confused
My train of thought slips by
They say I’m absent minded but
Sorry, where was I?
Oh yes I was recalling
How things have changed because
Both physically and mentally
I’m not the man I was
The best days of my life it seems
Are now all in the past
And notches on my trouser belt
Are disappearing fast
My hair has turned a silver grey
My eyebrows have grown thick
I used to look like Jesus once
But now it’s more Saint Nick
Yes more like Father Christmas
But Christmas time is fun
No matter what the weather
Be it rain or snow or sun
Christmas time is special
And last year for a treat
I invited everyone
To come and share a seat
I put up decorations
Festooned the Yuletide tree
I even wore a silly hat
In front of company
I had an open fire and
Laid on the whole shebang
Got out the ancient carol sheets
And everybody sang
We tucked in to the turkey
Roast veg and Christmas pud’
Then pulled our Christmas crackers as
We dined on all things good
Not knowing whether Santa Clause
Had been caught out in drifts
I ladled out the gluhwein
And handed out the gifts
Everyone was happy
But simply wondered why
I was having Christmas in
The middle of July!
14/1/2019 FIFTY WAYS
(to the cadence of Fifty ways to leave your lover – with apologies to Paul Simon)
The problem is all inside your Auckland-centric dome
The answer is easy if you’re not prepared to roam
I’d like to help you in your struggle for a home
There must be fifty ways to live in Auckland
Fifty ways to live in Auckland
You just sleep in a shack Jack
Or go open-plan Stan
No need for a roof Ruth
You just listen to me
Say buy a house-bus Gus
Don’t need to discuss much
Just set up a tee-pee
And get mortgage free
Yeah you sleep in a tent Kent
You don’t even pay rent
Or share an apartment
You just listen to me
You purchase a shed Fred
Or an empty plot Dot
Or go somewhere else Else
And get a proper property
28/2/2019 THE LOVE SONG OF J ALFRED TREEFROG
Though the night was black as pitch
The rain as thick as syrup
We heard a small vibrato voice
A tree-frog’s cheerful ‘chirrup’
Somewhere in a ponga tree
Giving it his all
He bellowed out a trilling song
His hopeful mating call
All night long the rain came down
And all night long he sang
So when the dawn broke cold and wet
I felt a certain pang
For still the frog was calling out
His ‘anyone out there?’ sound
Despite his plaintive plea for love
No soul-mate had he found
Another day of constant rain
Forming garden ponds
Weighing down the bows and leaves
And saturating fronds
Another night of dripping cloud
Obscured the moon’s faint glow
Cloaked everything in darkness
And soaked the world below
Another round of serenades
Filled the neighbourhood
And then his croak fell silent
He’d done everything he could
But nestled in the ponga tree
As clouds began to clear
A pair of shiny tree frogs
With grins from ear to ear
For them no night was now too long
For them no day too wet
For now two little tree-frogs sang
A ribbetting duet
11/2/2019 OUT OF THE FRYING PAN
Nelson’s tall column of grey smoke
Grows ever wider and higher
While lock, stock and valley and hillside
Are smothered and ravaged by fire
Tinder dry grassland and forests
Primed by the wind and the sun
Are snack-food for hungry wild fires
Devouring all on the run
Pilots are stretched to the limit
Dousing the flames from the air
While on the ground crews are exhausted
And families are racked with despair
Flare-ups and out-breaks continue
No respite as night closes in
But an all-out community effort
Gives a sense that they’re starting to win
Embers and ashes and charcoal
And smouldering pockets and seams
Have fashioned a nightmarish landscape
From what once was a valley of dreams
The volatile flames – an inferno
Creating a charred and scarred hell
While in Auckland a Burger King fry-up
Is causing an unpleasant smell
25/2/2019 CAPITAL GAINS
Life is so much harder for
Those with more than one front door
Investing in the rental racquet
Trying to make a tidy packet
What could happen? What’s the worst?
Well say the housing bubble burst
And poorer folk could then afford
A home instead of room and board
Attacks on tax are nothing new
It’s what we Kiwis tend to do
Like pointing out the fiscal pains
Of paying tax on capital gains
Consider this though when you sell
There’s lots you can write-off as well
If you get less than what you paid
Just claim on all the losses made
11/3/2019 REGRETS
We always seem to deviate
From the lives we plan
I wish I’d never sang that song
‘Je ne regret rein’
We may regret some things we did
So we could brag or boast
But it’s the things we didn’t do
That we regret the most
The path we never travelled
Unravelled or explored
The opportunities we missed
Declined or just ignored
The chances never taken
The thing we left unsaid
Now agitated by regret
Plays havoc in our head
25/3/2019 DEAL OR NO DEAL BREXIT
I wonder if Brexit
Will take the next exit
Or carry on down the same path
May may be OK
With another delay
But Europe will have the last laugh
8/4/2019 A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT
We just don’t get democracy
Or how it’s s’posed to work
The idea of majority rule
Is such a crazy quirk
Just doing what most people want
Is utterly absurd
When only our opinions are
The ones that should be heard
You see we’re used to getting
Everything that we demand
Why can’t the voting masses
Simply do as we command
We need the whole electorate
To change without delay
Or we’ll stamp our feet and hold our breath
Until we get our way
22/4/2019 NOTRE-DAME
So many names forgotten
From France’s history
But Quasimodo rings a bell
Now tell me wasn’t he
Synonymous with Notre dame
Just like Joan of Arc
And Napoleon Bonaparte
They each one left their mark
As has this conflagration
That gutted in one day
Eight hundred years of majesty
Where people came to pray
A testament to craftsmanship
Standing proud and tall
For centuries its beauty’s been
A sanctuary for all
Consumed in an inferno
Ravaged by a fire
But Notre-Dame is not done yet
Her spirit will inspire
A billion pledged to resurrect
This monument to God
Not quite so much for Paris’s
Forsaken and down-trod
6/5/2019 DUCK SHOOTING SEASON
Duck shooting season keeps alive
Our yen for killing things
Our semi-automatics are
The wind beneath their wings
Guns and ammo are not cheap
Ducks cost a lot to kill
But you can train a good gun dog
To always grab the bill
20/5/2019 THEY'RE DREAMIN
The experts got it wrong again
Regards our nearest neighbour
This time no new prime minister
The Liberals won not Labour
What does this mean for Kiwis
Living in the lucky nation?
A fair go or continuance
Of their exploitation?
For even-handed treatment they
Can only hope and pray
But it seems ‘tell them they’re dreamin’ will
Remain the Aussie way?
3/6/2019 GREAT ADVENTURES
They say from little acorns
Mighty oaks do grow
And from tiny tributaries
Mighty rivers flow
They say an epic journey
Begins with just one step
And every great adventure
Begins with saying yep
17/6/2019 I SPY
I spy with my little eye
On something beginning with you
Somebody said that you might be a red
So we’re watching your family too
You may be annoyed or bit paranoid
That our little eye high in the sky
Keeps us abreast of the things you like best
Not just what you say, wear or buy
We know what you drink, we know what you think
We know that you’re wondering how?
We see all you do, here’s proof that it’s true
You’re reading this poem right now!
1/7/2019 FAIR PLAY
Professionals and amateurs
Went at it head to head
Those on high paid contracts should
Have won, but no, instead
The men emerged victorious
Heroes of the hour
So let’s give them some plaudits
Let’s hear it for ‘Boy power’
They demonstrated equal skills
On and off the ball
Their pay-gap due to gender though
Still not addressed at all
Work of equal value should
Be paid with equal pay
Or do the goalposts shift each time
The gap’s the other way?
15/7/2019 A TESTAMENT TO CHARACTER
Where Wisden’s is the bible
A testament-like tome
Some thought our Kane un-able
To guide the Black Caps home
A David and Goliath type
Encounter in the cricket
Saw an Indian exodus
On a sticky wicket
The bookies had the Indians
Well favoured to prevail
Their crunching of the numbers though
Was all to no avail
Their ‘Lords’ prayer’ truly answered where
They’ll face the fancied Brits
Our bowlers though will do the job
And blitz the Brits to bits
29/7/2019 HOT STUFF
A hail storm halts the Tour de France
Apparently that’s rare
But is it global warming
Or is it all hot air?
It’s heating up in Britain
For most that’s something new
As London topped at thirty-eight
The Irish team did too
Plus Boris’s house-warming
As he got his heart’s desire
Would’ve bumped some temperatures
Up a little higher
12/8/2019 SAVING THE WORLD
While vegans seek to save the world
By cutting out all meat
That doesn’t mean they have the right
To say what we should eat
Admittedly some harm is done
By what we eat each day
But that harm is to others so
In our minds that’s OK
The innocent may suffer sure
That’s well understood
But even if some lives are lost
It’s for the greater good
Their facts are irrefutable
Their arguments make sense
I don’t dispute the science
However, in defense
Let me cite an argument
That has been given voice
Others have no say since it’s
Our body – it’s our choice
26/8/2019 THE PAPERBOY
Morning’s dawning glory glows
As from the East horizon grows
A sense of light and life that flows
And gently washes over those
Who lie asleep in sweet repose
With waterbottle toasting toes
Roundly curled in foetal form
’Neath duvet womb secure and warm
Snuggled deep in blissful bed
Feathered pillow under head
While outside to the tui’s sound
The paperboy is on his round
09/09/19 SOMETHING IN THE WATER
For those in hurricane Dorian’s path
Climate change got real
The Amazon still burns and leaves
A scar that will not heal
In Hong Kong protests carry on
Despite a full repeal
In Britain there’s dissention over
Bo-Jo’s no-deal deal
The Loch Ness monster’s DNA
Suggests it is an eel
And Team New Zealand’s mono-foil
Had its big reveal
A pilot scheme was introduced
To give school kids a meal
While laws to clean up water saw
Polluters squirm and squeal
Peter Ellis passed away
Before his last appeal
But there’s good news for the All Blacks
As their game-plan moves congeal
23/9/2019 RUGBY WORLD CUP
The ‘A’ grade rugby world cup
Kicked off this week in style
All other news takes second place
If only for a while
The Russians got the old bum’s rush
Japan put on a pile
The French found Argentina’s team
Something of a trial
The Aussies ground down Fiji
Despite their guts and guile
And the All Blacks beat the Springboks
That’s gotta make you smile
7/10/2019 TUIA TWO-FIFTY
Tuia two-fifty’s here
The boats are in the bay
Let’s get this party started and
Make sail without delay
And let us all endeavour
Each one in their own way
To understand the origins
Of what we have today
Let’s value and appreciate
Fine vessels such as these
Their spectacle and craftsmanship
Are guaranteed to please
Replicas of ‘taonga’
That sailed the seven seas
In search of new horizons
And opportunities
Tuia two-fifty’s here
It’s time to celebrate
Not rock the boat with xenophobic
Messages of hate
We need not let the separatists
Take over and dictate
A pessimistic outcome from
A negative debate
Let’s focus on the positive
The paradise we share
As privileged New Zealanders
Blessed with clean fresh air
Blessed with lakes and mountains
And scenery most rare
Our pristine bush and beaches are
A joy beyond compare
We have a can do attitude
With volunteers that care
We have the world’s best sailors
A rugby team with flair
We understand that teamwork
Can take us anywhere
We could be inspirational
If we but only dare
We have the means to travel
The chance to work and play
Our health and wealth and wellness marks
Are more than just OK
So let us all endeavour
Each one in their own way
To understand the origins
Of what we have today
21/10/2019 FEMINISM 20-20
Far-left fascist feminists
With messages of hate
Have just been told their conference
Will have to relocate
Massey University
Refuses to provide
A platform for the bullying
Of those they would deride
Their shameful lack of tolerance
Is there for all to see
How does one drag these dinosaurs
Out of bigotry?
Convinced because they’re women
That they’re always in the right
They’re just as bad as those who think
It’s O.K. to be white
4/11/2019 A BIRD OF NOTE
The hoiho is no tenor
He has no silver throat
And yet he’s on our fiver so
He is a bird of note
He needs some real encouragement
To keep his hopes afloat
As his chances of avoiding
Extinction are remote
At least he has a poem though
And one that you can quote
So for ‘Bird of the year’ please give
The wee hoiho your vote
There’s never been a seabird crowned
As our ‘Bird of the year’
So vote for hoiho while you can
Before they disappear
18/11/2019 OK BOOMER
OK Boomer, settle down
Is how we patronize
Yeah, whatever, if you like
It’s time for beddy-byes
OK Boomer take your pills
Before you have a stroke
You’re being old and grumpy
Whereas we’re both wise and woke
We need no cogent argument
We’re genuine Gen Zee
And ‘OK Boomer’s what we say
When we disagree
We offer no alternative
But can’t be over-ruled
When we say OK Boomer
You know that you’ve been schooled
02/12/2019 ISLA
In Te Waipounamu
Right on summer’s dawn
Unto Jess and Jessica
A baby child is born
Emerging from her mother’s womb
In to the arms of love
Her Dad a doting father
Her Mum a gentle dove
Welcome little Isla
A miracle unfurled
Welcome to your family
Welcome to the world
Anxious to get started
To meet and see and do
To sample all life’s pleasures
To feed and sleep and poo
Then feed and poo and cry a cry
That no-one can ignore
Then feed and poo and feed and poo
And poo and poo some more
Welcome little Isla
Your role now understood
And welcome Jess and Jesse to
A life of parenthood
16/12/2019 WHAKAARI
Amidst the pall of pain and grief
The questioning commences
The randomness of time and place
Their fate and consequences
We live upon the fragile skin
Of a volcanic land
So much beneath the surface that
We do not understand
The victims of Whakaari and
Their friends and families
Are in our hearts and minds and have
Our deepest sympathies
30/12/2019 NOT ANOTHER NERO
Australia’s on fire
What’s needed is hero
Someone who’ll inspire
Not another Nero
Scot Morrison is fiddling
While all round Roma burns
And obdurately piddling
On climate-change concerns
He even went on holiday
To get away from journos
A time for him to rest and play
Away from the infernos
The people though are trying
To make him understand
That animals are dying
Frying on the land
Temperatures are rising
Each day a record high
But there’s no compromising
Though smoke chokes up the sky
And where there’s smoke there’s fire
Consuming trees and grass
But this climate change denier
Has his head stuck up in the clouds
——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–
POEMS OF THE WEEK 2018
1/1/2018 STUFFED
I know a jolly fat man
Who wears a thin disguise
To break and enter houses
And fill up on mince pies
It isn’t just the turkey that
Gets stuffed on Christmas day
We all revert to gluttony
In putting food away
From full on breakfast banquet
To Christmas dinner feast
The eating turns a waif-like man
Into a bloated beast
Non-stop sweets and nibbles
Nuts to crack and crunch
Followed by a sweet mince pie
Then something light for lunch
Champagne ham cooked on the bone
A salad – for a laugh
A creamy avocado, bar its stone
Cut clean in half
Lettuce leaves and radishes
Green peppers and shallots
Tomatoes and yes broccoli
And onion dips in pots
And then of course the main event
The proper sit-down job
With everything imaginable
Shoved into your gob
Carrots, spuds and parsnips
Brussel-sprouts and peas
And turkey lashed with gravy
Is always sure to please
Slacken off the trouser belt
To fit another course
Flaming, steaming pudding
With brandy-butter sauce
Irish coffee with a nip
Christmas cake with icing
A box of dates or figs on plates
Are all just too enticing
Perhaps a chocolate orange
And then a little nap
Before some cheese and crackers
Just to fill that final gap
At drinking we’re no better
Spirits, wine and beer
And what will be the outcome?
– Same again next year
A time of celebration
And helping those in need
Has turned into an orgy
Of gastronomic greed
Conspicuous consumption is
The only way to go
As bank accounts diminish
And our waste-lines bulge and grow
We may not have the holly
Or the jolly ‘ho ho ho’
But we’ve all become fat Santas
Waiting for a friendly tow
15/1/2018 GARGOYLES
Water sloshes and galumphs
Against the harbour wall
The jobbled tide is on the rise
And spoiling for a brawl
Its brackish voice is guttural
And full of glottal stops
Licking at the slips it sips
And gobbles up the slops
Sloshing and galumphing
To a rhythm of their own
Random waves in peaks and troughs
Sigh and snort and moan
Their sound – no song of Sirens
’Tis more the haunted howls
Of long disgruntled gargoyles
And the gurgle of their bowels
Sloshing and galumphing
Galumphing underground
Gurgling and gargling
Until the tide turns round
29/1/2018 HEAT WAVE GOODBYE
This summer’s been a corker
With orca in the harbour
And hottest months on record
According to the barber
Who seems to know a thing or two
On stuff that really matters
Like what to name the baby
And Pakistan’s best batters
And if we think it’s too hot now
Beware the golden rule
It always gets much hotter
Once the kids go back to school
12/2/2018 WHAT’S GOING DOWN
Around the world stuff’s going down
Just in the week that was
A mass of bombs in Syria
A hot air balloon in ‘Oz’
In Taiwan it was buildings
As earthquakes struck again
In Pyeong Yang it’s officials
With a norovirus strain
Stocks and shares went plummeting
– Investors sold a pup
Be grateful we live where we do
Where stuff keeps going up
26/2/2018 CYCLONE GITA
Cyclone Gita ‘gotta’ ‘lotta’
People quite upset
With vengeful, violent, viscous winds
And days of constant wet
Seas were caused to lash our shores
Some floods cut regions off
Water, water everywhere
But not a drop to quaff
Power lost to many parts
Tourists trapped by slips
Panic buying in the shops
Supplies brought in by ships
Frightened at the prospect
Of being isolated
Some found the storm so scary that
They self evacuated
12/3/2018 THE ESSENCE OF NEW ZEALAND
It seems that the proverbial ’s
About to hit the fan
As mayors around the country seek
A comprehensive plan
That’s big enough and blunt enough
To knock the you-know-what
Out of every ‘freedom camper’
Whether they’re at fault or not
Calling ‘defecators’ – ‘freedom campers’
Tars the lot
And just fining them for sleeping
Shows how mercenary we’ve got
26/3/2018 FIFTY EIGHT
Facebook coughs to garnering
By underhanded means
A pair of has-beens hacks their way
Around the Northland greens
Fonterra loses millions
Plunket counts the beans
Middlemore’s new culture
Is causing public scenes
Another species goes extinct
No more rhino genes
England out for fifty-eight
Our bowlers were machines
9/4/2018 THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER
Judged on age, ethnicity
And gender’s just so bad
So much for the dream that
Martin Luther King once had
Demographic profiles
That single people out
Avoid accountability
But give the bigots clout
Simply crunch the numbers
Big data doesn’t lie
The evidence is evident
And here’s the reason why
Those most likely to employ
Prejudicial views
Will work in immigration
Wear ties and shine their shoes
23/4/2018 THE BUBBLE-ONIANS
Those whose views conflict with ours
Deserve to be berated
They’re ill-informed and brainwashed
And need re-educated
It’s ‘they’ who live in bubbles
Never you nor I
It’s ‘they’ who cannot see the truth
And ‘they’ who live the lie
Their discrimination is
Offensive and absurd
Whereas, ours is fine and just
And based on stuff we’ve heard
They must be taught to tolerate
And made to understand
If they can’t be inclusive
They’ll be ostracized and banned
The trouble with free-speech is that
Free-thinkers may abuse it
I’m all for hypocrisy
Except when others use it
7/5/2018 BREAK A LEG
There’s drama in Dunedin
A tragedy’s in play
The board have acted promptly
In calling it a day
The curtain falling swiftly
Not phased in over stages
The old ‘To be or not to be’
Now no-longer rages
No more story-telling
Or social boundaries crossed
A fiscal risk assessment means
Our fortune has been lost
It all comes down to bums on seats
And theatre hasn’t got ’em
But actors know that bottom lines
Come out of Shakespeare’s Bottom
21/5/2018 MARKLE DEBACLE
Isn’t it funny
How some can hear ‘yanni’
With others it’s ‘laurel’ that’s clear
But rainy or sunny
You can bet for all money
Your forecast’s the one you won’t hear
There’s been a debacle
About Mr Markle
Not giving his daughter away
But she, with a sparkle
Explained it’s not our-call
We just hope his heart is OK
The outlook looked bleak
For the mild and the meek
With workers unpaid for their time
But the budget this week
Gave wellbeing a tweak
In parliament’s own pantomime
4/6/2018 GYPSY DAY
They say today is Gypsy day
And all across the land
With military precision
In manoeuvres all well planned
Farmers and share-milkers
Are putting on head scarves
And selling wooden clothes pegs
As they shift their cows and calves
They’re setting up their caravans
Where if you’re feeling bold
You can cross their palms with silver
To have your fortune told
Tarot cards and crystal balls
Give insights – but beware
Lest mycoplasma bovis is
The only thing they share
18/6/2018 SHOW TIME
Roll up, roll up it’s underway
The greatest show on Earth
No not the national field days
Nor Jacinda giving birth
We’re talking world cup football
The truly global game
The passion and the drama
The glory and the shame
It’s not a demonstration of
Some sport that’s on the up
It’s not a mere Olympics
It’s the actual World Cup
Ok so we’re not in it
And it’s not on ‘free-to-air’
But at least there’s ‘squeaky bum time’
For fervent fans who care
2/7/2018 GIFTING
The P.M. was most gracious
In calling it an honour
When their little baby had
A name bestowed upon her
But no-one beats the British
When it comes to gifting names
An act of generosity
Instead shot down in flames
Their largess was unbounded
In gifting names to places
Apparently it’s different though
From putting names to faces
They’re lovin’ livin’ in Levin
Now that’s the attitude
They’re grateful for their gift
To not be would be rude
16/7/2018 FREE SPEECH
We live in a democracy
Where human rights are clear
Free-speech for those who want to say
The things we want to hear
Those with controversial views
(That’s ones that we don’t share)
Should not be given venues
Nor broadcast time on air
Let’s censor and suppress them
And the things they want say
Let’s gang-up on those bullies
And bend them to our way
Let’s not resort to reasoning
Or rational debate
What we need’s compassion
Not speeches fuelled by hate
Let’s keep one eye wide open
Let’s listen with one ear
Let’s all conform together
And not give in to fear
I can’t abide those hate-speech types
Where do they get their gall
They fill me with such loathing
We ought to ban them all
There’s no place here for hate-speech
And for what it’s worth
Anyone promoting it
Should be shot at birth
Let’s stamp out violent tendencies
With torture if need be
What we need’s more tolerance
And less hypocrisy
30/7/2018 TOO MANY BAGGINSIS
No plastic bags for poor old Joe
To line his litter bin
Or carry avocado with
Or wrap his dog roll in
There’s plenty though inside of whales
If he’s prepared to swim
We’re talking Joe not Jonah though
So they’re no use to him
But strewn around our countryside
From mountain top to beach
Are bags and bags of plastic bags
Some in easy reach
So go and grab a bag or two
And help with conservation
Then use them for your rubbish
It’s a win – win situation
13/8/2018 TAKE A BREAK
While P.C. academia
Gives Don Brasch the bird
And those who are against free-speech
Insist on being heard
Out here on the harbour
Floating in my boat
I idle past Iona
And make a mental note
And while the trolls are fabricating
Next week’s fake-news fibs
The rippled waves are tickling
My dinghy’s rimu ribs
A winter sun is beaming down
And dancing on the water
Not a care in all the world
No breeze from any quarter
Forest-fires, earthquake deaths
Heat waves, droughts and more
The horrors of a troubled world
Are tethered to the shore
Sometimes to keep an even keel
You need to take a break
Sometimes instead of daily gruel
You need a piece of cake
27/8/2018 NATIONAL POETRY DAY 2018
Over in Australia
Top jobs are on the line
Unless the Wallabies soon win
The coach may well resign
And the office of Prime Minister
Has also caused concern
As anyone who wants it
Is entitled to a turn
Back home it’s National Poetry Day
That time when once a year
People quote a line or two
From poets they hold dear
And bards and versifiers
Emerge from diverse places
With screeds of paper in their hands
And hopeful looking faces
And festivals and open mic’s
Sprout up across our nation
And souls are bared and traded for
The chance of an ovation
And RNZ God bless its socks
Continues to promote
Eloquent, erudite poetry
And verses what I wrote
10/9/2018 THE CASE FOR GREATER SCREENING
The lack of extradition has
Left Scotland Yard frustrated
While Russia’s claim
They’re not to blame’s
Got people animated
‘Despicable’s the only word
For the Novichock attack
At first it seemed
It would be deemed
Too tough a case to crack
But images on film confirm
Some spook’s opinions
It was down to
The G.R.U.
Or at least Gru’s minions
24/09/2018 SUFFRAGE
A century and a quarter past
Almost to the day
A special group of Kiwis
Showed the world the way
Their actions would be heralded
As history-making news
They took New Zealand to the fore
With forward thinking views
Their deeds are in the history books
A global first by us
And yet we overlook their part
When making all the fuss
Nine months of celebrations
And nothing has been heard
In praise of those who passed the bill
No not a single word
Perhaps because those pioneers
Who gave the vote back then
To their fellow women were
God-fearing, old, white men
Overlooked entirely
And without remorse
Is that unconscious bias
Or just par for the course?
8/10/2018 BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME
They’re going to build a prison
For those who suffer guilt
For those who build the prison-
A work-camp will be built
But those who build the work-camp
Will need accommodation
Perhaps they plan on building some
With roads and sanitation
But who will build that housing?
And where will they be housed?
It seems a sleeping giant
Ouroboros has been roused
More workers mean more worker’s huts
And somewhere to site ’em
And then so-on and so-forth
It goes ad infinitum
Is this the ‘egg and chicken’ plan
That experts are espousing?
More housing for the builders
More builders for the housing
22/10/2018 BURNING BRIDGES
Last week the Chinese said that they
Would fund an Auckland road
This week they’re funding bridges
What’s next? A moral code?
Forget about the sale of land
From sea to mountain ridges
Forget about our aquifers
That’s water under bridges
They’re selling our democracy
To those who have most cash
And calling it diversity
The bane of Franks and Brasch
And then the ‘he said – she said’ row
With confidences breached
No evidence provided but
Conclusions have been reached
5/11/2018 HALLOWEEN
This week we had the spectre
Of monsters in our streets
Demanding goods with menaces
What they call ‘trick or treats’
The Duke and Duchess wowed the crowd
And all were glad they came
Our media had trouble though
With Megan’s married name
Our airports over charged us
There’s lots of that about
While immigration did its job
Of ruling good folk out
To pay the fee for residency
Can be quite complex
Our government though, apparently
Is still accepting cheques
19/11/2018 DAISIES
In gardens of remembrance
Before a sea of crosses
We stood in solemn silence
Acknowledging the losses
A gun salute resounded as
Elevens all aligned
A hundred years observance
Since the Armistice was signed
In Flanders fields red poppies grew
While here white daisies shone
A latticework of innocence
Mourning those who’d gone
We heard the bugle call them home
The last post brought forth tears
They shall not be forgotten now
Nor in the coming years
3/12/2018 BANNED
The kneejerk act of banning
Is now a social norm
Free-speech in universities
Police in uniform
Private cars from Queen’s street
Beggars from shop doors
Stand-alone post offices
Plastic bags and straws
Huawai’s 5 G network
Prize-givings in our schools
And lupins in our riverbeds
Are all against the rules
So’s sleeping in our airports
And all across the land
The act of freedom camping
Has been banished barred and banned
Like calling Christmas ‘Christmas’
And they haven’t finished yet
For even Santa’s gender now
Is coming under threat!
17/12/2018 ONE QUICK QUESTIONS
As Christmas fast approaches
And families feel stressed
There’s still some ‘one quick questions’
That need to be addressed
Does Santa speak Te Reo?
Or just her native Dutch?
Are workers paid too little?
Or CEO’S too much?
Will there be any ‘Tip-Top’
When we see the summer sun?
Does ‘TradeMe’ have a ‘Buy-now’ price?
Or will their auction run?
Will ‘Well-being’ indices
Gauge how much we smile?
Will fiscal growth or rainbows
Make our lives worthwhile?
31/12/2018 SANTA'S GENDER
So Santa can be female too
Well this is news to some
Not least of all Saint Nick himself
Who’ll want to know how come?
His history has been stripped away
His manhood undermined
And without express consent
His gender re-assigned
He’s not the first to have this done
Nor will he be the last
The growing list of victims
Has its roots back in the past
It happened with Ghost Busters
The Milky-Bar Kid too
Sherlock Holmes’s Watson
And the Time-lord Doctor Who
But these were all just characters
Not people who were real
Now they’re changing history
To suit the way they feel
And Christmas trees around the world
Are being decorated
With the balls of Santa’s
Who’ve been emasculated
8/1/2018 SKYLINE
22/1/2018 RATA LEAVES
Rata has the rounded leaves
Leathery and thick
Pohutakawa shiny ones
So pointed they could prick
5/2/2018 SUPERMOON
A super, blue, come blood-red moon
Portends the end is nigh
An omen-like maroon balloon
Hangs in the hot night sky
The choice is either wilt or swoon
As temperatures climb high
The rain can’t come a day too soon
To end the drawn-out dry
The sound it makes – a welcome tune
As southern cities fry
For Burnside it’s a special boon
As flames are dowsed then die
19/2/2018 BIG AIR
Spotty youths just out of school
With hyphenated names
Are running hot and looking cool
At the winter games
They’re grabbing massive amplitudes
Popping off the lip
Stomping sick ten-eighties or
A goofy Haakan flip
They’re boning out spaghetti air
Nose-bonking on the rails
And talking in a foreign tongue
While boosting sponsor’s sales
Nursing broken necks and legs
Defying gravity
They tumble twist and turn towards
Olympic destiny
5/3/2018 THE DESIDERATA OF RESIDENT DATA
I sense a census in the air
An information storm
They sent a package though, that has
No normal, formal form
They’re doing it on line this time
A mighty I.T. mission
The digital brainchild of some
Sadistic statistician
Automated answer phones
High tech access codes
Fill it in at any time
They must be saving loads
They claim our privacy’s secure
Re: who, what, when and where
But I’ve never met a data yet
That didn’t want to share
19/3/201018 STEPHEN HAWKING
He delved into the universe
Unravelling with ease
The origins of time and space
And singularities
He shone as bright as any star
But for too brief a time
His story one of triumph
A theorist sublime
A body wracked by atrophy
His mind though would not yield
Farewell to Stephen Hawking
A giant in his field
2/4/2018 EASTER PASSION
Some get ‘cross’ at Easter
Some go retail mad
Both believe that there’s a greater
‘Prophet’ to be had
Forget about your chocolate eggs
And the Easter bunny
We’re talking three Ed Sheeran gigs
That’s money, money, money
A time of deep reflection
To worship what you will
Commerce, Christ or chocolate
Be sure to have your fill
16/4/2018 GOOD AS GOLD
Work and Income’s searching for
Ideas that might make sense
They’re canvassing the homeless
As their plight is now in tents
Auckland copped a blackout
The Silver Ferns some flack
There’s a gold-rush on the Gold Coast with
Success for some in black
Jacinda’s got the good oil on
Black-gold and gas at sea
While Trump and Putin are about
To kick off world war three
30/4/2018 TIME'S UP
It’s time that clocks with moving hands
Were taken out of schools
UK kids can’t read them
They haven’t got the tools
It’s not the Roman numerals
That have them so perplexed
It’s anything that’s analogue
That’s got them stressed and vexed
Next it will be literature
That has the kids complaining
Written text will have to go
Just picture books remaining
Maybe I’m just ‘old-school’
But preachers used to preach
Builders used to build
And teachers used to teach
They could impart some ‘learnings’ to
These pupils in their prime
If they simply spoke ‘Emoji’
And they only had the time
14/5/2018 WHAT REALY GETS US ANNOYED
The problem now with climate change
Is it’s already here
Once a century weather events
Are happening every year
Floods and droughts and hurricanes
Cyclones and tornados
Landslides, forest fires
Earthquakes and volcanos
Acid rain and tidal waves
And melting Arctic ice
Mean the party’s over and
It’s time to pay the price
There’s plastic in our water ways
Rivers, lakes and seas
We’re burning coal and oil and gas
And chopping down the trees
Fishing beds and ocean floors
Are plundered and destroyed
But mess around with ‘Corro’
And boy we get annoyed
28/5/2018 A BREED APART
To see the flags a-flying
Over Britain’s sceptred isles
To see the cheering crowds
That stretch for miles and miles
To see the sunny faces
With warm and friendly smiles
The ‘A’ list of celebrity
In fashion’s latest styles
The flowers of the commonwealth
Embroidered into lace
Three future kings of England
Assembled in one place
A fanfare played on trumpets
That scales the castle walls
An aria of golden notes
Sung in hallowed halls
The gleaming household cavalry
A regal horse-drawn carriage
The pageantry, the majesty
A fairy-tale type marriage
A dashing prince, a blushing bride
A sky of blue above
A wedding dress, a tender kiss
A couple bathed in love
Does that not bring a sense of pride
A stirring of the blood
Does that not bring a throaty lump
Or cause the eyes to flood
Surely that must soften
The harshest cynic’s heart
If not then they remain at best
A sorry breed apart
11/6/2018 THE GYRE
The South Pacific gyre
Seems unlikely to inspire
Someone to swim across it but no wait
An enterprising chap
Will soon swim through all the crap
In an effort that will surely demonstrate
That our oceans – once so pure
Are in grave need of a cure
To save them from their sad polluted state
If we don’t do something drastic
Then this rubbish dump of plastic
Will exceed all of the ocean’s fish in weight!
25/6/2018 SOLSTICE BIRTH
The Earth spins on its axis as
It circumscribes the sun
Its tilt toward our summer months
Has only just begun
Today’s the winter solstice
Tonight’s the longest night
From here on in we celebrate
The coming of more light
And also the arrival of
Our leader’s new-born child
May love and joy surround them as
The media go wild
Today’s the winter solstice
Great forces are at play
For any natal chart no doubt
A most auspicious day
9/7/2018 AGAINST THE ODDS
The world has watched its nations
Win or lose their games
Some heroes have departed
Whilst others make their names
This week though just one football team
Has made the whole world smile
Their fans have shown just what it means
To go the extra mile
Never have such underdogs
With all hope swept away
Overcome such odds to win
In such an awesome way
Ten days within a Thailand cave
Flooded by the rain
A coach and his young team survive
To savour life again
23/7/2018 THE QUEEN’S ENGLISH
World leaders had a lot to say
About their recent meetings
Some used subtle symbolism
Others simple tweetings
The Queen has her own language
Encoded in her jewels
Her style’s beyond reproach but is
Her broach a breach of rules?
A genius who only speaks
One language is quite rare
But Donald Trump’s exceptional
A man beyond compare
We all know he’s a genius
He tells us so each day
The language that he’s mastered though?
He would, then would not say
6/8/2018 WHAT DREAMS MAY COME
First penmanship went by the wayside
Then keyboards took over with screens
And now we’re about to surrender
To voice operated machines
If writing is left to the tweeters
Will its meaning be too hard to catch?
If grammar goes out of the window
Will her nighty get caught on the latch?
If texting becomes the last bastion
And spelling a personal choice
Will language be given a hearing?
Or oratory given a voice?
Will the future become too predictive?
As binary starts to take charge
Will we dance to the wild algorithms
Of the soulless computers at large?
Will our avatars have their own profiles?
And presence long after we’re dead?
Will poems be penned with emotion?
Or simply assembled instead?
20/8/2018 R.E.S.P.E.C.T. ARETHA FRANKLIN
The choice of presidents has passed
The voice of blues is gone
But rest in peace Aretha
Your legacy lives on
She made a congregation soar
Her heart and soul in sync
She made a generation move
She helped a nation think
For in the fight for civil rights
She played a vital role
R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
To the queen of soul
3/9/2018 DAFFODIL DAY
As blossom blooms and cuckoos sing
The yellow trumpets herald spring
Their symbolism on this day
Is one of hope and that some way
Researchers will soon find a cure
To end the pain that most endure
At cancer’s cruel and callous hand
Let’s wipe this evil from our land
Let’s focus all our energies
To put an end to this disease
With loved-ones lost but held in mind
We donate now to help mankind
It’s nice to know that someone cares
Each flower bought and worn declares –
A brighter future is in store
And spring brings light and warmth and for –
The ghosts of those who suffered ills –
A host of golden daffodils
17/9/2018 A BIRD IN THE HAND
They say a bird that’s in the hand
Is worth two in the bush
Police are urged to prosecute
Protesters told to shush
Politicians and police
And state broadcasters too
Have found a technicality
That they want to pursue
Possession of a road-kill bird’s
Against the law you see
So that should be the focus
And the media agree
Unproven claims of bludgeoning
By unnamed scientists
Now have ten-eighty protesters
Described as terrorists
1/10/2018 THE IN CROWD
Typewriters are back in vogue
Tiger’s back in form
Jacinda’s in the USA
Kicking up a storm
The number of inquiries
Has increased by half
Bill Bailey’s in the country
Making people laugh
Waka-jumping’s in the house
The Green’s are in despair
Mico plasma bovis
And spring are in the air
New slang words in the dictionary
Vaping’s in our schools
Ten-eighty found in eight dead cows
But no-one broke the rules
The Panel’s in position
As informed as can be
Get in with the in crowd
It’s the only place to be
15/10/2018 VALUE FOR MONEY
Pedestrian-crossings sexualised
Fat-shaming put to shame
Police police police-cadets
And find them not to blame
A funding boost for girls in sport
Our para-olympians too
A woman-only honours list
A feminised Dr. Who
A massive surplus posted
Loan-sharking gets a tweak
Christchurch gets a library and
In other news this week
It’s just the name they’re selling
And it’s just the name they buy
It’s money in the bank see
How those dollars fly
As good as printing money
So where’s the art world headed?
I’d like to tell you but I can’t
The last verse has been shredded
29/10/2018 THERE’S NOTHINK LIKE A MODIVADED NOOS WRIDER
Lisping ‘esses’, rolling ‘rrs’
And never-you-mind the vowels
And missing ‘L’s as I recall
Were causing frowns and scowls
And whither went the ‘w’ sound
Gone from all four ‘korters’
Like the ‘y’ in ‘pooma’
Ignored by sports by reporters
Gone from ‘noos’ and ‘rezzoomay’
Gone without a trace
To use instead in ‘queue-pons’ where
They’re clearly out of place
On T.V. Duke’s pronounced as ‘Juke’
No joke, and if you please
Everywhere you turn these days
‘t’s are mouthed as ‘d’s
I’m almost ‘modivaded’
To ‘wride’ a ‘ledder’ to
Our main ‘polidical’ ‘pardies’
To tell them what to do
Enunciation is the art
Of mind and mouth in sync
And yet we tell our children that
They can be ‘anythink’
There’s ‘somethink’ wrong with how we speak
But ‘nothink’ we can’t fix
By ‘geeing’ up our teachers so’s
We’s don’(t) all soun(d) like hicks
12/11/2018 MAGENTA GENTLEMEN
Mothers kissed their sons goodbye
Fathers shook their hands
Not knowing if they’d live or die
In far off foreign lands
Not knowing that beyond the beat
Of patriotic drumming
A madness had awoken and
A world of change was coming
For them a great adventure
While wives stood broken-hearted
An innocence were left behind
As flesh and blood departed
From life and death decisions made
On parliamentary benches
To landing-beaches’ crimson tides
And gas-filled front-line trenches
Through darkened days and flair-lit nights
Through wasteland wrapped in wire
Through mortar screams and howling shells
Through rain and ice and fire
Where blades of steel would run them through
And heavy guns would bomb them
They did not go to give their lives
Their lives were taken from them
In restless sleep, in ankle deep
In ordered waves of Hell
For half a chain of barren soil
In vain, in pain they fell
For God and king and country
A sacrifice was made
In choking clouds of mustard gas
The price for peace was paid
Through Christmas after Christmas
The gun’s relentless thunder
Would shake their inner being
And rent their flesh asunder
Deafened minds and blinded souls
Outstretched arms on shoulders
Shuffled through the smoke of war
Mere silhouettes of soldiers
No snowy peaks, no sunny shores
No blue waves capped with foam
So far away on knees they’d pray
And think of those at home
No family meals, no barn-dance reels
No scent of loved one’s hair
Instead the stench of human waste
And corpses filled the air
No tui sang, no church bell rang
No school yard filled with laughter
All bridges burnt, no lessons learnt
No hope for man here after
Grey on cold gun-metal grey
No green, no skies of blue
But from these fields of leaded mud
The blood red poppies grew
Rise up magenta gentlemen
Rise up and raise your heads
Stand proud in random rank and file
While history weaves its threads
Wefts and warps a tapestry
A picture of the past
From factories to infirmaries
Where soldiers dyed and cast
Were played with by old generals
Their standards holding fast
Flags of many colours
Coldly nailed to conflict’s mast
Rise up magenta gentlemen
And let your spirit soar
Lest we forget your sacrifice
Or what you made it for.
26/11/2018 VOCAL FRY
10/12/2018 NATURE'S ART
Nature practices her art
By sculpturing the land
With elemental forces
But on a scale so grand
That we can hardly comprehend
Let alone admire
The living work she carves and molds
With wind and rain and fire
We only see the tragedy
Of the fiscal cost
Our life span is too limited
To see what’s truly lost
The bigger picture is too big
Our focus is too narrow
And so despite the planet’s cries
We push our human barrow
24/12/2018 MUSICAL CHAIRS
The RNZ end-of-year party
Has music and feasting and games
Like musical chairs for presenters
Or guessing the CEO’s aims
As the dance for more funding continues
And everyone puts on a show
Producers are all busy flossing
As Wallace and Jim ‘dosey-doe’
They’re fare-welling Jim from the panel
As he moves on to Sunday a.m.
While Wallace will be his replacement
In a merry-go-round stratagem
Good luck to you both in the New Year
And thanks for your service to date
Merry Christmas to you and The Panel
And to all, as we now celebrate
POEMS OF THE WEEK 2017
2/1/2017 OLD FASHIONED CHRISTMAS
It’s a good old-fashioned Christmas
With yuletide revelry
The rum’s been spliced
The vegies diced
The Queen’s speech on T.V.
The city streets are empty
The camping grounds are packed
Some fancy plates
A crate of Speight’s
The turkey’s been attacked
By uncles aunts and cousins
Gran and grandpa too
And mum and dad
Were just as bad
Like feed-time at the zoo
All went back for seconds
While dad dished out advice
The Christmas pud’
Was flaming good
The sherry very nice
The dining done and dusted
The drinking under way
And then a nap
Beneath a cap
Before some outdoor play
Anyone for rounders
Or cricket on the beach
The balls been whacked
The crackers cracked
The summer sun’s a peach
A good old-fashioned Christmas
With sunset turning red
Sweet treats to eat
And sunburnt feet
And talk till time for bed
16/1/2017 FISHPOND GARDEN
A picket fence, a garden gate
A ring of shrubs and trees
Surround the fishpond garden where
Content, I sit at ease
Beneath the shady maple tree
Beneath the graceful larch
Where golden honeysuckle blooms
Festoon my gateway arch
A flood of honeysuckle scent
Descends from floral jewels
And permeates the summer air
With swirling perfumed pools
The fantails play, the tuis sing
The bees alight upon
A foxglove or a rambling rose
One moment there then gone
The goldfish hover silently
Within their water world
Basking in the solar rays
As morning is unfurled
They watch the dance of dragonflies
And water-boatmen glide
And dream of mighty oceans
At least ten meters wide
A picket fence, a garden gate
A ring of shrubs and trees
Surround the fishpond garden where
Content, I sit at ease
30/1/2017 MIND TRAVEL
All you need’s a hammock
And a blue sky and you’ll find
That you don’t need an aeroplane
To travel in your mind
All you need’s a memory
Or an imagination
And you can travel instantly
To any destination
Lying in my hammock
In my garden in the south
I could be in Bermuda
Or Bangkok or Taeiri Mouth
Adelaide or Mexico
Stockholm or Tibet
Buenos Aires or Bejing
New York or better yet
Somewhere in the great outdoors
A mountain out of reach
Or in a forest clearing
Or a river or a beach
Or lying in a meadow
Full of rabbits running free
Or on a wooden schooner
Heading out to sea
Your mind can take you anywhere
That you may care to roam
And when you’ve finished travelling
You simply come back home
Gazing at infinity
From any given place
Opens up a universe
Of endless time and space
13/2/2017 SUN SET
The glory of the evening sun
Setting in the west
The story of the day is done
Its saga put to rest
An eiderdown of cloud draws in
The sky is painted red
The pillowed hills hold dreams within
All trials are put to bed
The gentle scent of jasmine drifts
And dances through the air
A sense of deep contentment lifts
All spirits from despair
A blackbird’s piped soliloquy
Is music to the soul
In perfect time and harmony
Each part completes the whole
27/2/2017 BACK BEACH POETRY TRAIL
Mr Mayor, honoured guests
Curious passers-by
Assembled throng who’ve come along
Welcome, Haere mai
For God and Queen and country
For fellow scribes like you
For this auspicious opening
I’ve penned a line or two
A poem for the poets
Of Back beach and beyond
Whose views on views of water
Express a special bond
Reflections on the harbour-side
A place we call our own
The way we see the sea and sky
Are set in fired stone
Above the water’s margins
Like washed up tidal treasure
Each tile supports its author’s thoughts
Enjoy them at your leisure
13/3/2017 SNAP SHOT OF DUNEDIN
Despite the autumn weather
The rugby and the rest
The big news in Dunedin is
Of course the cricket test
In the city students swamp
The op-shops and the bars
On the streets the parking spots
Are filled with clapped our cars
On the harbour sunlit sails
Await the southern squalls
Behind the plastic stadium
Another wicket falls
27/3/2017 IN AWE OF RAW AURORA
They left from Dunedin
In deed in delight
To view as they flew
On their time-travel flight
The magnetic antics
Of Antarctic light
A colourful curtain
Of uncertain height
A roar of an engine
A raw autumn night
They saw an aurora
A rare awesome sight
10/4/2017 BIBLICAL FLOOD
Down here in the south the weather is fine
Albeit occasionally cool
But our thoughts are with those afflicted by floods
And deluges violent and cruel
These one-in-one-hundred-year events
Are happening all of the time
The floods and the quakes, the cyclones and slips
Our planet is well past its prime
It’s like an old man with wounds that won’t heal
A fever, a sore back, a cough
Poor circulation, his hair falling out
And once vital parts dying off
So where will it end? This global descent
Into climactic mayhem and mud
Is our fate to expire in famine or drought?
Or drown in some biblical flood
24/4/2017 LAST POST
Why do we wear the poppies?
Why are the war wreaths laid?
Lest we forget – remember
The sacrifices made
From Cape Rienga to the Bluff
From sea to mountain air
From south pacific’s triple star
To Turkey’s Chanuk Bair
From God’s own to Gallipoli
At dawn on Anzac day
With bugle draped in history
Let the last post play
For those who fell in foreign fields
The countless lost and found
For those who served so gallantly
Let the bugle sound
From One Tree Hill to Lone Pine ridge
Round heaven’s starry dome
From peace on Earth to Kingdom come
The bugle calls them home
For them we wear the poppies
For them the wreaths are laid
For them we will remember
The sacrifices made
8/5/2017 HAVE A WHINE
This week our Aussie Kiwis
Were served up on a tray
And Labour’s list of socialists
Had hints of chardonnay
Yesterday Prince Phillip said
He’s flagging it away
Today we savour sauvignon
On sauvignon blanc day
It’s nice to sit and have a whine
About the state of play
While tomorrow in my mai-mai I
Might have a ‘cold duck’ day
22/5/2017 THEM’S THE BREAKS
Kit-Kat can’t claim copyright
Over copy-cats
’ Seems they just can’t catch a break
Like those who would catch cats
While over in Bermuda
With amorous intent
Ben Ainslie’s little love tap
Has left us with a dent
Back home – polluted water is
Reluctantly debated
As field lead levels in some schools
Are classed as elevated
Asbestos in our sports fields
An island cloaked in plastic
Forget the petty tinkering
It’s time for something drastic
5/6/2017 AT THE RACES
They said in May that May may win
In June – a different tune
Now Corbyn who’s been in the bin
May win – we’ll all see soon
A win in Indianapolis
Is not what hot Scot got
But twice he walked away from death
Still happy with his lot
While in Bermuda who’da thought
There’d be controversy
Involving Team New Zealand as
A beneficiary
At the races famous faces
Vie for varied prizes
We follow them fanatically
For comfort or surprises
19/6/2017 THE GULLIBLE
Algorithms filter out
Opposing points of view
Until you think the whole wide world
Believes the same as you
The zealots and the feminists
The left wing and the right
Are self assured and so convinced
It’s them who’ve seen the light
You can’t convince the gullible
How gullible they are
They won’t believe a word you say
It’s really quite bizarre
Within their echo chambers
Opinions and views
Are stealthily collected and
Fed back to them as news
And everyone they meet inside
The bubble where they work
Thinks the same as they do
A synchronistic quirk
You can’t convince the gullible
How gullible they are
They won’t believe a word you say
It’s really quite bizarre
As if to illustrate my point
Some bigot will object
And claim that I am ill-informed
Or ought to show respect
Or worse some middle manager
Will censor at a glance
Anything that’s not in line
Too scared to take the chance
You can’t convince the gullible
How gullible they are
They won’t believe a word you say
It’s really quite bizarre
3/7/2017 EIGHT - ONE
‘Eight wins to one’ will never mean
What ‘eight – one’ meant before
That score-line reads redemption now
The old mug ours once more
Our All Blacks too showed that they are
A team we can rely on
While Lions fans in camper vans
Will need to keep an eye on –
Where they park after dark
If they’re not keen on clampers
For common sense does not apply
When fining freedom campers
Perhaps they would be better off
Glamping with giraffes
Instead of watching lions
In a cake tin just for laughs
17/7/2017 INTERNET OF THINGS
Some say they’ll be the death of us
Others – our salvation
That’s why they want us to become
An on-line, network nation
The internet of things will bring
A.I. to all machines
A.I. in our devices
Our homes, our cars, our screens
One day they will take over
Or leave us in the dark
We’ll all be too dependent on
Big Google, Chrome or spark
In rural climbs A.I. still means
A long glove and tight fit
Either way I feel A.I.’ll
Leave us in the short-term-gain scenario
31/7/2017 THE MAKING OF AMERICA
Let’s make America great again
The way it used to grate
When other republicans ruled the roost
Remember Watergate?
If Nixon could’ve had tweeted it
He might have got away
‘I am not a crook’ he said
Imagine that today
Then Gerald Ford who pardoned him
After his confession
The unelected president
The worst since the depression
Remember Ronald Reagan and
His grasp on world affairs
He thought the trees sucked oxygen
Clean out of mountain airs
And now they’re burning fossil fuels
To make things great again
Let’s fire-up the furnaces
And smokescreen out the pain
‘No more taxes, read my lips’
George Bush’s famous lie
The CIA and Contra deals
The Saudi money pie
And then his son George Dubbya
Whose quotes are still debated
The master of faux pars was so
‘Misunderestimated’
He helped ‘put food on families’
Until Katrina hit
It’s hard to find a president
Who’s not been full of himself
So let’s not give the liberal left
The U.S. on a plate
Let’s make America great again
The way it used to grate
14/8/2017 LLOYD SCOTT
A softly spoken humble man
Who found his ‘All Night’ niche
Relating to the average man
The poor or nouveau riche
Conversing with his listeners
And often with himself
Occasionally mistaken for
A gnome or garden elf
Listeners on their night shifts
And early risers too
All tuned in to his cheerful voice
And he would see us through
Through the wee small hours
And darkness we’d agree
To put up with his singing
Just to share his company
But be it on the radio
Or through the internet
Grateful kiwis now salute
A friend they never met
Embrace the new horizon
Endure the parting tears
Farewell Lloyd Scott and thank you
Enjoy your golden years
28/8/2017 DAFFODIL DAY
Today is National Poetry Day
And Daffodil Day as well
So the pair must share the honours
And run in parallel
While yellow trumpets symbolise
The charity’s clarion call
Of funds for cancer research
And brighter days for all
Poets use this day of days
To brush up on their skills
And make their Words worth their own weight
In golden daffodils
11/9/2017 LET’S BE THANKFUL
Korea threatens nuclear war
Trump – retaliation
In monsoon ravaged Bangladesh
There’s death and devastation
Caribbean Island homes
Destroyed by hurricane Irma
Flooding in the southern states
And Muslims fleeing Burma
Pre-emptive strikes in Syria
The news is full of crime
While back home in New Zealand
It’s lolly scramble time
25/9/2017 POLITICAL CHARMS
Despite our politician’s charms
Some lobby groups are up in arms
Save the rivers, spare the farms
Make education free
Someone’s loss is someone’s gain
Someone’s win is someone’s pain
If you don’t vote you can’t complain
Blame someone else not me
Had enough? Just can’t hack it?
Fix it, tax it or attack it
It’s the hollow promise racquet
Called democracy.
16/10/2017 BLACK FRIDAY
As foretold in days of old
Black-Friday brings no good
To mitigate the damage though
Cross fingers or touch wood
Poor fortune will befall you if
You have no lucky charm
No clover leaf or rabbit’s foot
To keep you safe from harm
‘Superstitious nonsense’ is
The sceptic’s stock riposte
Those guys are so predictable
But the irony is lost
It’s Friday the thirteenth today
So watch out for black cats
And omens of ill fortune for
Jacinda or the Nats
30/10/2017 GARDEN CANVASS
With my own mind for company
And birds to listen to
What need have I of people
And the problems that they spew
Contentment is a garden
Nurtured by my hand
Dressed by changing seasons
And nourished by the land
The staggering of buds and blooms
And blossom on the trees
Means every week there’s something new
To fascinate or please
The garden’s natural canvass
Is filled-in piece by piece
An ever changing landscape
Who’s wonders never cease
My visitors are wind and rain
Sun and sometimes snow
Each knows when it is time to call
And when it’s time to go
They leave behind their offerings
And jobs for me to do
What need have I of people and
The problems that they spew
13/11/2017 NOTHING SADDER
We need to have more sympathy
For super-rich fat-cats
Who never learnt as children that
The rat race is for rats
Who never learnt there’s more to life
Than climbing up a ladder
A billionaire racked with despair-
There’s truly nothing sadder
A ‘dog eat dog’ world’s where they live
It’s lonely at the top
They’d like to give up working but
They can’t afford to stop
Compelled to make a profit from
Each hour spent on Earth
Their bank account’s the only thing
That tells them what they’re worth
The fancy food, the flashy clothes
Their portrait on the wall
The private jet, the super yacht
They have to have it all
They think that if they’re paying tax
Then that makes them a mug
I think that what they really need
Is maybe just a hug
27/11/2017 TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON
Leaders come and leaders go
Though May may linger on
But in Zimbabwe Bob Mugabe’s
More than maybe gone
Mrs Merkel will make her-call
When the time is right
Till that hour when in power
Leaders hold on tight
Berlusconi won’t give up
Like Abbot – as we know
And Mladic won’t accept his fate
Too late it’s time to go
11/12/2017 I WOULDN’T ‘ROULETTE’ OUT
Who would’ve guessed? What were the odds?
What were the chances of that?
A study out on gambling’s found
That ‘Gaming’s’ where it’s at
And Gaming’s an addiction
And gambling’s bad for kids
Scratch beneath the surface and
You’ll wind up on the skids
These studies though are a lottery
With new ones every day
I’ll wager there’ll be another soon
That finds it’s all OK
And urges you to have a go
And get behind the nation
To take a punt on stocks and shares
And property speculation
25/12/2017 RE-VERSED
The holidays are beckoning
The big day’s almost here
It’s time to recap what went on
As we re-verse the year
We lost a lot of leaders
Auckland gained Phil Goff
Bit coin stocks and driver-less cars
And flying drones took off
We got two new prime ministers
The cost of homes went up
Feminism reared its head
We won the Americas cup
Algal blooms and pestilence
Were evident again
And droughts and floods and all things bad
Were blamed on old white men
Korea flexed its muscle
The US got enraged
Australia failed the fairness test
Prince Harry got engaged
The Panel did its best to help
Explain what life’s about
Social engineering’s in
Inclusiveness is out
So may the warmth of Christmas spread
Wherever Rudolph roams
Before the P.C. kill-joy bunch
Ban it from our homes
9/1/2017 SOFTLY FROM THE SKY
Our shadows have been washed away
Our plans all gone awry
For summer as it always does
Falls softly from the sky
Drifting to the valley floor
In saturating sheets
Glistening the greenery
And cleansing city streets
Rattling the iron roofs
Streaking window panes
Dancing on hard surfaces
Force-feeding swollen drains
A host of booked-out campsites
Perpetuates the lie
But summer as it always does
Falls softly from the sky
Falls in stretching hours
That soak into our brains
Falls in passing showers
And everlasting rains
Dripping from bowed branches
Weighed down with sodden leaves
Shining tears drip silently
The weeping rain-cloud grieves
If there is but a single thing
On which we can rely
Surely it’s that summer will
Fall softly from the sky.
23/1/2017 THE GULLIBLE
He traded in his assets for
A following of asses
The arse-hole of America
The mouth-piece of the masses
You can’t convince the gullible
How gullible they are
They won’t believe a word you say
It’s really quite bizarre
6/2/2017 PORT CHALMERS YACHT CLUB 125th
A century and a quarter
Launching boats and dreams
To sail upon the water
Fair winds upon their beams
They flew a weathered windsock there
To indicate the breeze
Its lung was full of southerlies
From off the southern seas
The club-house perched on piggyback
Peered out across the bay
To where the water jobbled and
And sky turned grumble-grey
A jaw of bright white shark-teeth sails
Ripped the harbour’s skin
A cold and bitter breeze bit back
The boaties all dug in
Chewing through the wind-whipped waves
Tacking side by side
Stealing one another’s air
And battling the tide
And not until late afternoon
Once races had been raced
Did sailors file in through the door
Wet-clothed and ruddy-faced
And there amidst the chairs and charts
And trophies on display
The ladies served hot pies and tea
And men put beers away
Tall tales were told of tacking duels
And how wind-shifts were picked
And who had jumped the starting line
As wounds and lips were licked
And boasts were made of seamanship
And how to set the sails
And how to handle mutiny
Or sudden southern gales
The club rooms rocked with laughter
The points were tallied up
Then ribald ribbing offered to
The winners of the cup.
20/2/2017 TOTALITARIAN STATE
Kim Jong Nam thought differently
From those who were in charge
And so he paid the penalty
His killer still at large
Meanwhile in New Zealand
Te Reo’s doing fine
And those who might think otherwise
Are brought back into line
Dissent is unacceptable
You’ll need to see a shrink
Opinions will be monitored
We’ll tell you what to think
Apologise and do what’s wise
Free speech is just a sham
You will conform, you will comply
Remember Kim Jong Nam
6/3/2017 TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE
If plundered ancient kauri logs
When sliced and sold as slabs
Gets the thumbs-up from the judge
What else is up for grabs?
About three hundred million bucks
Goes wanting every year
The untaxed multinationals
Love doing business here
There is no housing crisis
And even if there were
It’s not because of immigrants
That’s a racial slur
They’re here to take up high-skilled jobs
In places of renown
Not undermine conditions
And bring low wages down
No, doped-up work-shy Kiwis
Only have themselves to blame
But just how drunk was English when
He made that addled claim
At the time he said it
He was talking kind of slow
But no one breathalysed him
So I guess we’ll never know
20/3/2017 SAINT PATRICK’S DAY
The bars are blue with blarney
And little harps on black
The gills are green with sly prochain
Potatoes and the craic
The streets are green with envy for
The shamrock and the song
As fiddlers play the tunes of old
And young ones sing along
And everyone is Irish
If only for a while
And part of one big family from
The snake-free Emerald Isle
Around the world they’re gathering
To party where they can
And celebrate Saint Patrick
Ireland’s best-loved English man
3/4/2017 IN OR OUT
Some Kiwis like to take delight
In running Brexit down
As if it were some stupid act
Committed by a clown
But in their situation
Which way would we swing
If our seat of power were
Say transferred to Bejing?
If there were a proposal
For China and New Zealand,
Aussie and Pacifica
To all form one new free land
Free for trade and travel
No passport stamp required
Open immigration
For any so inspired
If Tongan weights and measures
Were used in all our schools
And rugby games were standardised
Replaced by Aussie rules
Compliance and conformity
And fiscal obligation
‘V’ sovereignty of currency
And self determination
If we were asked to make a choice
Would we protest and shout
If there were a proposal would
We vote for in or out?
Would we be so gung-ho and smug?
Would we throw in our lot?
For Brexit only gives the Brits
What we’ve already got.
17/4/2017 EASTER-LIES
Just getting ‘cross’ won’t put an end
To this ‘oppressive rain’
But ‘easterlies’ this weekend mean
The ‘sun’ will rise again
1/5/2017 FEARLESS GIRL
‘I Don’t Want A Brother’
Is my Wall Street sculpture’s name
Implying ‘Fearless Girl’
Is the sister who’s to blame
Cast in bronze it represents
A fratricide attack
A facedown, sprawled-out toddler
With scissors in his back
Strategically positioned
Behind the well-known piece
It draws on its location for
Emotional release
The shoe now on the other foot
Which way will people turn?
With ‘Fearless Girl’ a villain now
What lesson will they learn?
15/5/2017 MOTHER'S DAY MIS-MATCH
With twenty-something as their choice
For the average age of mums
The advertising agencies
Are drawing in vast sums
Encouraging young children
To buy all sorts of things
From furniture to fashion wear
To thousand dollar rings
But if your pocket money
Won’t even buy a mug
I’m sure she will be happy
Just to have a heart-felt hug
It’s Mother’s day this Sunday
In case you haven’t heard
A day for nice surprises
Till then though mum’s the word
29/5/2017 JAB JABBER JABBER
Around the world dictatorships
Are sadly on the rise
That doctors should be joining them
Comes as no surprise
After all it’s they who say
That those who want to die
Should be forced to linger on
In order to comply
And now they want to punish those
Making personal choices
And seek to win their argument
By silencing their voices
Opinionated bullies claim
What they believe is law
And those who seek with open minds
Should all be shown the door
The one true god of science is
The issue at the core
It must be worshipped their way
For now and ever more
Because all vaccines might not work
Some doctors now insist
They must be made compulsory
And no-one may resist
These scientists and doctors
Using hard intel’
Would have made thalidomide
Compulsory as well
12/6/2017 BAR HUMBUG
Admittedly they’re flat out fast
And quite a sight to see
But is it really sailing –
All this new technology?
‘Cyclors’ now – not grinders
Wings instead of sails
Hydraulics and computers
Best ‘fly-time’ boat prevails
Brawling with the weather may
Have blown both boats to bits
But in the end a better team
Helped Burling beat the Brits
To the victor go the spoils
The loser feels the pain
Left to rue the way they flew
Curses, foiled again!
26/6/2017 THE OLD MUG
In the wee small hours
As in the days of old
Our nation rises once again
Anticipating gold
Wherever interest has been piqued
Wherever hope has shone
From Cape Reinga to the Bluff
Lounge lights are flicking on
Like little yellow beacons
Beneath night’s starry dome
They send a signal of support
And guide the cup back home
From paper-boys to cockies
In steam-filled milking sheds
To nurses on their nightshifts
And students in their beds
From children in pyjamas
To dads in dressing gowns
A new belief is stirring
In cities, farms and towns
They’re turning on and tuning in
To follow every race
Each down-wind gybe, each up-wind tack
Each foiling beat at pace
The David and Goliath
Old rivalry renewed
Our heartbeats elevated
Our fingernails well chewed
Who will have the boat speed?
Who’ll make the first mistake?
What horror call on Oracle
Will leave them in our wake?
Will Spithill whittle down our lead?
Will Burling be too bold?
In Bermuda’s balmy breeze
Will Oracle be rolled?
Do we dare to hope again?
To dream we are the best
The drawn out pains of failed campaigns
At long last put to rest
Or will the mighty USA
Simply play it cool
Spend another billion and
Invent some brand new rule
Let’s not let the big boys win
Let’s make our talent tell
Let’s show the world that sportsmanship
Is still alive and well
Let’s keep the passion burning
For Burling and the boys
Let’s hear that heart-felt haka
Let’s make some Kiwi noise
Let’s wear those old red socks with pride
Team USA’s the slower
Let’s bring the Old Mug home again
To Aotearoa
10/7/2017 PRINTER INK
So what’s the deal with printers
And the price of printer ink?
Which is more expensive?
The printer – you would think
But no, I bought a printer
Standard, not deluxe
With cartridges included
For under forty bucks
A printer – scanner – copier
With guarantee what’s more!
Whist on its own one cartridge costs
Just over forty-four
24/7/2017 WHO’S WHO
While women rejoice
And declare with one voice
It’s a choice that’s been long overdue
The true fans express
With dismay and distress
The loss of their male Dr Who
But if you should feel
That their pain isn’t real
And their outcry is just a big joke
Then imagine instead
It’s as if RNZ
Gave its Nine to Noon slot to a bloke!
The Tardis no doubt
Will soon be decked out
With cushions, lace curtains and flowers
And door flaps for cats
And roll-out yoga mats
Where the cats can all stretch-out for hours
A long-time survivor
The sonic screwdriver
Whose powers require some beating
May well be replaced
With dispassionate haste
By a cell-phone for selfies and tweeting
He isn’t the first
Though to be thusly cursed
For the feminists tried it on God
Whose re-designation
Brought on resignation
No comfort, no staff and no rod
7/8/2017 A RE-FRESH APPROACH
Jacinda’s in ‘da’ driving seat
So where will Labour go?
More left or right of centre line
Does anybody know?
Will those who dislike old, white men
Now have a change of heart?
And start supporting Labour
Because they’re fair and smart?
And what about the media
Which way will they turn?
Will they go back to backing Bill
Or all adore Adern?
21/8/2017 EQUAL PAY
Hip-hip hooray for equal pay
As genders start to gel
At last there’ll be a Ministry
Of Men’s Affairs as well
Where he who fights for equal rights
Exclusively for misters
Will also get what he doesn’t yet
The same wage as his sisters
And those concerned with what is earned
By whom for doing what
Will all agree hypocrisy
Had made us lose the plot
4/9/2017 WINDS OF CHANGE
The winds of change are blowing
John Key was first to jump
Leaving Bill to fill the bill
And oversee the slump
Next Metiria Turei threw a
Towel into the ring
With little ado, Little did too
Jacinda now doing her thing
Then petering out until he was done
The bow-tied worm-rider quit too
Survivor election is well underway
Each episode claims someone new
So who’s next in line to be scalped or resign?
Will Peters defeat his detractors?
Will too much attention to payment of pension
Be one of the critical factors
The media scrum is starting to hum
The public are baying for blood
And the fatally flawed to fall on their sword
Or drown in political mud
18/9/2017 THE SPACE BETWEEN US
Heavenly bodies will attract –
Curious eyes that’s just a fact
So in a sort of courting act
The Earth sent out a ‘thing-me’
With wide-eyed lust and slack-jawed drool
To a star just being cool
Who asks because she’s no-one’s fool
‘What else did you bring me?’
Five billion miles with no return
Cassini set to crash and burn
And yet we’ve still so much to learn
And Saturn just says ‘ring me’!
9/10/2017 DOOM ’N’ GLOOM
There’s too much bloomin’ doom ‘n’ gloom in
Media news these days
How I can I depress you?
Let me count the ways
Volcanoes, floods and hurricanes
Earthquake devastation
Terrorism, genocide
Entrenched discrimination
Referendums outlawed
Oppressed afraid to speak
And more ‘Americarnage’
A shooting every week
It’s time that we did something
Official or informal
It’s time to pause and wring our hands
Then carry on as normal
23/10/2017 ARE WE THERE YET
Are we there yet? Are we there?
Fraught, impatient calls
From children in the back of cars
Climbing up the walls
Or packs of fractious journalists
Demanding satisfaction
All desperate for breaking news
But ham-strung by inaction
Forced to interview themselves
Or mums in shopping malls
Instead of pressured leaders
In parliamentary halls
Are we there? Are we at the place
Where someone has to choose?
No it’s just a comfort-stop
So you can use the loos
Are we there yet? Are we there?
Is the waiting over?
Yes we’re there, we made it
Now go roll in the clover
6/11/2017 SPRING IS SPRUNG
Spring is sprung the grass is ris’
The sun is beating down
A gentle breeze drifts through the trees
And yet I wear a frown
The afternoon cacophony
Of two-stroke motor mowers
Industrious weed-whackers
Loud chainsaws and leaf-blowers
Fills the air with snarling
And fumes from fossil fuels
Our quiet moments have become
As rare as precious jewels
20/11/2017 NO LIMA DREAM ALLOWED
Boohoo Peru win through by two
The All Whites did their best
But fireworks and air-force jets
Ensured they got no rest
Their flight diverted and delayed
Their bus waylaid as well
And even worse – a real snake curse
That cast a lasting spell
All prove Peru were worried
As well they might have been
For if we’d had Lorde in the side
We would’ve swept them clean
Boohoo Peru win through by two
The All Whites did their best
But fireworks and air-force jets
Ensured they got no rest
Their flight diverted and delayed
Their bus waylaid as well
And even worse – a real snake curse
That cast a lasting spell
All prove Peru were worried
As well they might have been
For if we’d had Lorde in the side
We would’ve swept them clean
4/12/2017 SOCIAL FABRIC
I fear our social fabric
Is starting to unravel
When CEOs of health boards
Spend-up large on first class travel
When citizens on beaches
Are run down by boy racers
Who then out-run police cars
As the law cracks down on chasers
I fear that social fabric
Is going out of fashion
When dairy owning mums and dads
Are targets for a bashin’
I hear our social fabric
Isn’t stylish anymore
Too threadbare for a shelter
And too thin to clothe the poor
18/11/2017 OLD WHAT’S HIS NAME
I’ll never forget old ‘what’s-his-name’
What was it he said?
‘If you can’t find a ‘thingumy-jig’
Use a ‘who-ja-ma-flip’ instead’
He was always good for a ‘whatchamacallit’
A ‘thingumy-bob’ or a quote
No I’ll never forget old ‘what’s-his-name’
And the memorable stuff that he wrote
POEMS OF THE WEEK 2016
4/1/2016 HOLIDAYS
The holidays are over
Farewell airbeds and foam
The caravans of camping fans
Are weaving their ways home
Goodbye to canvass ceilings
To sun-hats, shorts and crocs
Cold-meat meals and fold-out chairs
And concrete toilet blocks
To mountain peaks and vineyards
The swarming sandfly’s bite
Paddocks plagued with rabbits
The possums in the night
Farewell the morning blackbird
The lunchtime lark on high
The tui and the harriers
The endless cloudless sky
The lakes have all been skied and fished
The tracks all tramped and hiked
The byways toured, the woods explored
The cycle-ways all biked
You can do it, yes you can
Just one more hill to climb
In breathless praise of holidays
In Central summer time
18/1/2016 CUTTING THE CAKE
I used to be a poet but
I found it didn’t pay
Now I’m writing rap rhyme lyrics for
A thousand bucks a day
It may not have the same prestige
Or romance or cachet
But when I go down to the bank
I’m laughing all the way
But wait what’s this my agent
Has taken half my take
And I R D and lawyers want
A huge slice of the cake
And after my accountant
Has had his winter break
All I have to pay is double
Everything I make
I owe an I O U or two
To someone I forgot
They’ve sent the debt collectors but
There’s nothing in the pot
I owe it all to middle men
Everything I’ve got
Oh to be a poet and
Contented with my lot
1/2/2016 HITTING THE FAN
Is this an inconvenient truth?
Was it not so back in our youth?
Either way it’s still uncouth
And just to slake a thirst
Enough outrage to raise the roof
With graphic photographic proof
They’re ankle deep! – no make that hoof
No wonder people cursed
Did they pug it? did they trudge?
Turn pristine water into sludge?
Do they bear some bovine grudge?
And this lake’s not the first
Once they’re in – they’re hard to budge
And filled up with that grassy fudge
Best someone give the judge a nudge
To budge before they burst
15/2/2016 BOQUETS AND NOSEGAYS
You can offer your heart
Or have a small part
Of your body re-cast in a mould
To give as a gift
Or heal up a rift
Or show that you’re brazen and bold
For Valentine’s Day
I went out of my way
To insure that my gift was unique
Instead of a rose
I gave her a nose
A wee plaster-cast of my beak
I said she could wear it
Or if she could bear it
Have it displayed on a shelf
She seemed unimpressed
And even distressed
When I told her I’d picked it myself
29/2/2016 LEAP DAY
The leap-year child so meek and mild
A quarter of its age
Leaps into the book of life
To dance across a page
That’s one small step, one giant jump
One sidle to the side
And then the great leap forward
As history swells with pride
Feb twenty-ninth, so rarely seen
The leap-day of the year
Gives girls a chance to buy the ring
And fill his heart with fear
That’s one small step, one giant jump
One sidle to the side
And then a leap of faith to land
A lovely leap-year bride
14/3/2016 MOERAKI MORNING
The darkness lifts a little
As five a.m. rolls in
The tent is filled with slumber
Outside – a distant din
Of drawn out waves that thump and crush
And brush an ancient shore
Background a snuffling hedgehog
Outside the zipper door
The dogs are both too deep in sleep
To notice or to care
So I just keep a mindful ear
Till he’s no longer there
28/3/2016 APRIL FOOL’S
Kiwis vote for the union jack
The weather makes us smile
Leicester leads the English league
And beards are back in style
Cannabis decriminalized
For those who are in pain
Donald Trump for president
The Stones perform again
An Aussie’s caught on video
Abiding by the rules
The minimum wage is going up
It must be April Fool’s
11/4/2016 BEGGARS BELIEF
If you’ve no heart, but high IQ
Then Wellington’s the place for you
Where council’s cause a lot of grief
And the lot of beggar’s beggars belief
What a fine idea is fining
Those who give – but will cheque signing
Also be included in
This push to make handouts a sin
How far will this by-law reach?
As far as Awaroa beach?
Not-for-profit organizations?
Women’s refuge, school donations?
Will those who give to charities
Olympians or refugees
All be labelled reprobates?
While council begs for higher rates
25/4/2016 THE NOBLE TURK
Let’s blame the Poms for everything
And credit them for nought
Let’s venerate the noble Turk
The enemy we fought
Let’s make-believe there’s honour in
The glory of the gun
Let’s just pretend their army wasn’t
Allied to the Hun
Let’s fly their flag on ANZAC Day
And not the union jack
Forget nine hundred thousand Brits
Never made it back
9/5/2016 GOLDFISH PACE
23/5/2016 SOMETHING FISHY
Something fishy’s going on
When figures can’t be trusted
And M.P.I. won’t prosecute
The skippers who’ve been busted
Dumping catch illegally
And not reporting waste
Caught hook, line and sinker
But let’s not act in haste
It’s only been some decades that
This rorte’s been going on
Surely we’ve whole years before
All the fish are gone.
6/6/2016 CITY OF SALES
City of sales, leases and rents
Unitary plans and building consents
They’re living in Garages, old cars and tents
And constantly chasing their tails
The weather is wet, the housing’s a mess
The traffic’s inducing more and more stress
Yet some folk won’t settle for anything less
Than life in the city of sails
20/6/2016 WHAT’S ON WATSON PARK
Those who know Port Chalmers know
The chickens up the hill
But now there’s other bothersome birds
The council want to kill
The rugby team’s been stamping out
Foul play upon the field
And for the feral feathered flock
Their fowl foul fate’s been sealed
There’s no goose like a snow-goose
But these are greylag geese
And they’ve been given orders
To desist and decease
A wild goose-chase is under way
The poisoned seed plan failed
The final option’s lead implants
To have their lives curtailed
4/7/2016 BREXIT - A WEEK ON
The trouble with democracy
As any fool can see
Is there’s just too many people
Who don’t agree with me
The pound has had a pounding
The market’s in free-fall
The well-to-do have been put out
By some dumb wake-up call
The masses are revolting
Beneath their victory banner
If only there were more who thought
Like me and Pollyanna
18/7/2016 A WINTER WEDDING
What does a winter wedding bring?
Apart from winter weather
It brings two dedicated hearts
Lovingly together
It brings a calm, a stillness
A time of deep reflection
An inner search for meaning
Commitment and direction
It holds us for a moment in
Suspended animation
And winter is a chrysalis
A means of transformation
For Jesse has become the man
And Jessica his wife
Their union the bedrock
On which they’ll build their life
Side by side they stand today
In love and admiration
A canvas white as winter
Awaits their co-creation
Ahead of them lies springtime
And all life’s pleasant stages
Summer’s endless passages
Autumn’s golden pages
Blessed with friends and family
Who’ve come from near and far
To witness this occasion
And show how loved they are
We wish them every happiness
Rich reward and joy
And sometime in the future
A bonny girl or boy
For now though, what can winter bring?
For these two – wedded bliss
Some wild and windy weather and
A gathering like this
1/8/2016 JOY TO THE WORLD
‘The world’s at war for certain’
The Pope has just decreed
As Frazer said: ‘we’re doomed!’
Will anyone take heed?
So much sorrow in the world
Hunger, violence, greed
The sad belief that money will
Fulfil our every need
Chinese steel’s inadequate
Doping’s rife in sports
Our leaders are as honest as
V.W.’s reports
Banks are profiteering
Insurers double-dip
Those with half a mind to rule
Are shooting from the hip
Atrocities in Europe
Cause widespread misery
And Sanders cheated of his place
In US history
Police are killing people
Just because they’re black
Is anybody really shocked
That some are shooting back
The one percent have all the wealth
The masses have TV
Alcohol and cigarettes
Crack cocaine and P
The death throes of our planet
Hurricanes and quakes
Forest fires, floods and drought
And disappearing lakes
Our oceans are depleted
There’s poison in our soil
Our air has been polluted
We’re all about to boil
Temperatures are rising
House prices are unfair
There’s nothing in our hearts it seems
Except maybe despair
This may sound ‘doom-and-gloomy’
But here’s the worst of it
With atheism on the rise
God doesn’t give u-
-s much of a chance
22/8/2016 WHITE NOISE
How soft the sound of sunlit waves
That brush against our shores
Tenderly each smooth caress
Advances and withdraws
Lines of rolling white noise froth
Between the muted blue
This is where the Dolby hisses
Have been banished to
How bright the gleaming sunlight plays
Within each curling fold
How sweet the scent of salted air
Where wave on wave’s unrolled
The ocean’s lips are parted
Her airy roar is heard
Above the cry of haughty gulls
She calls one constant word
A word we cannot comprehend
A voice that has no pause
Tenderly each smooth caress
Advances and withdraws
5/9/16 FIVE HUNDRED
Someone found five hundred tremors
Shaking them awake
From underground the sway and sound
Of a seven point one earthquake
Someone found five hundred cows
Some bird poo and a tractor
In the tainted aquifer
They call ‘Camp Illobacter’
Someone found five hundred reasons
Why they lost the cup
Perhaps their chequered training was
The reason they stuffed-up
Someone found five hundred thousand
Buys an empty section
With that at least you get to vote
In Auckland’s next election
19/9/2016 COLLECT THE SET
3/10/2016 THE WAY WE WERE
It’s true we’re getting older
And things are changing fast
But would you like a village where
You’re living in the past?
A place without the internet
Or twitter-twats on phones
Posting endless selfies
No traffic- jams or drones
No reality tv
No gangster rap in malls
No money-grubbing wheel-clamps
No telemarket calls
A place where people can discern
Just how much is enough
A place with things that work and last
A place with just old stuff
A clock with hands and numerals
A church with chiming bells
A pub with old horse brasses
A market full of smells
A tea-rooms and a bakery
An op-shop for the poor
A milkman and a butcher who
Deliver to your door
Bright red letter boxes
For posting letters in
A purpose-built post office
Kept as neat as any pin
A booth for passport photos
An annual summer fete
A gathering of locals
Where ladies bring a plate
A kiosk with a telephone
A round-about with flowers
An actual bank with people in
That only keeps bank hours
A creek where kids go swimming
An orchard where they scrump
A petrol service station
With a man who tends the pump
Where cricket’s played on Saturdays
Lawn bowls throughout the week
And children have both mum and dad
To live with and give cheek
A place where you can ride a bike
Or catch the local bus
Or sit and do your knitting while
The bellbirds make a fuss
With printed books for reading
The radio for news
Magazines for coupons
And Agony Auntie’s views
Where you can thank your GP with
A flagon or a cake
And shops are closed on holidays
So folk can have a break
Where NZ sits in front of rail
Forestry and post
And you can use real notes and coins
For things that matter most
A station with policemen
A hospital for care
A place where people greet you
Now who would go back there?
17/10/2016 SAMSUNG SWANSONG
Flyer, flyer pants on fire
Samsung’s brand’s been burned
Their red-hot selling burner phones
All need to be returned
Harking back to simpler times
These smart communicators
Produce smoke-signals on demand
And flames for roasting ’taters
31/10/2016 THE CROOK AND THE MISOGYNIST
The crook and the misogynist
Go at it toe to toe
Slagging one another off
And putting on a show
Who can suck the voters in?
Promise them the most
Who can tell the biggest lies?
Watch them brag and boast
These two have been lorded as
The finest in the land
Something those with half a brain
Find hard to understand
Americans believe they are
The rulers of the Earth
Unaware that they’re the butt
Of so much scorn and mirth
The free-world stands embarrassed
The Yanks though know no shame
All they need’s an audience
And someone else to blame
14/11/16 MOVING ON
There is a land of stars and stripes
Of poor and huddled masses
Where turkeys vote for Christmas
And pollsters are all asses
Where half the nation celebrates
And half the nation mourns
In contrast, back in paradise
Another new day dawns
The rhododendrons are in bloom
There’s bird song in the air
There’s sun and sea and pinot gris
So come on, don’t despair
We understand your shock, your loss
We feel your sense of shame
As one we need to focus though
On next week’s All Black’s game.
28/11/16 PIKE RIVER
The promises of Honest John
Are buried underground
With nine and twenty miners
Who never will be found
A bottom-line prime minister
Protesting all the while
A true Dickensian character
In shrewd hand-wringing style
The families who fought for years
’Gainst company and crown
Never lost their fight despite
Attempts to wear them down
I wrote these lines two years ago
Yet little’s changed since then
Still no accountability
Nor justice for the men
And now it seems despite the call
Of experts in the field
They want to hide whatever truths
The evidence might yield
12/12/2016 NAGGING FEELING
I’ve paid the bills and fed the fish
And changed the broken light
Washed the dishes and the clothes
But something’s still not right
There’s something I’ve forgotten
This much I know is true
I have a sneaky feeling
That there’s something overdue
That sneaky feeling nags at me
The nagging just keeps growing
I go outside to get some air
Oh yeah, the lawns need mowing
26/12/2016 A LIKELY STORY
With Face-book facts and twitter feeds
Our news has been transformed
And yet we’re none the wiser
For being more informed
Our echo-chambers reaffirm
Beliefs that we hold dear
Their algorithmic bubbles
Tell us what we want to hear
We know from social media
Why, where, and when and what
We just don’t know who posted it
Or if it’s false or not
In this the post-truth era
We’re aware how rare it is
To find an honest blogger
Or a spokesman you can quiz
I heard a rumour that ‘post-truth’
Had won word of the year
But whether judge’s votes were hacked
Was never quite made clear
They say fake news is on the rise
But is that really true
Or just some jaded, one-eyed writer’s
Jaundiced point of view
11/1/2016 FIGURE EIGHTS
I watched the cloud’s soft shadows race
Across the harbour’s ruffled face
An albatross with weightless grace
Scribed a figure eight
Soaring passed the lighthouse where
The smell of sea salt filled the air
And sunlight lit each wave-crest flare
That dared to agitate
Whilst presidents and priests opine
Sun and sand and sea combine
With wind to be the true divine
Elements of fate
25/1/2016 VIVA ZAPATA
It seems like beards are back in vogue
And now moustaches too
Things that once were gross and old
Are trendy now and new
Designer stubble statements
Character’s the key
Clark Gable’s classic pencil line
The Johnny Dep goatee
The Magnum or Zapata
The Adolf – not so much
A bit of wax on air-force wings
Gives a stylish touch
Hairy lips are sprouting out
From here to Timbuktu
This facial fashion’s so widespread
Some men are doing it too
8/2/2016 GIVE IT A YANK
Please pull the plug on US news
US sport and US views
Enough of US politics
It isn’t we who choose
Another rich man plays the fool
Another shooting in a school
Reports about the weather show
That winter there is cool
We’re not another US state
At least not at this current date
Though once the TPP is signed
We’ll re-assess our fate
22/2/2016 AN ARTIST
I used to be an artist
But my work was avant-garde
No-one understood me
And getting by was hard
While those with names were selling crap
My art remained unsold
It’s hard to be an artist when
You’re left out in the cold
So I became a poet
And set my hand to words
Couplets for the masses
And free verse for the nerds
I wrote my rhymes despite hard times
And made myself a name
I moved in different circles
But the pay was just the same
7/3/2016 SPOONBILL SOUP
I saw four Royal spoonbills
In Sawyer’s Bay lagoon
A soft warm breeze said summertime
The sundial read high noon
Their eyes and minds were focussing
On krill and crab detections
Their stilted bodies hovered
Above their own reflections
The birds were busy foraging
Each neck set in a stoop
Their bright, white heads swept back and forth
In search of spoonbill soup
From side to side from tide to tide
November through till May
Wading through each tidal serve
They feast their days away
21/3/2016 EASTER BUNNY
Covering the country on
His little lucky legs
Delivering his bounty
Of tasty chocolate eggs
He’s been running here and there
Avoiding farmer’s guns
That’s why the Easter rabbit has
A pair of hot cross buns
4/4/2016 WELCOME
18/4/2016 AUTUMN HARVEST CORNUCOPIA
Where one wall meets another wall
Is a specific space
There sits the clapped-out copier
I’m going to replace
I’m going to buy a special one
Not one from off the shelf
But one that cuts my work by half
And hums all by itself
My printer’s getting hard to read
Its ink is getting sloppier
But soon I’ll have the Auto-hum
Halvist, corner copier
2/5/2016 THE ZEN OF WATERBLASTING
The Zen of water-blasting
Corrugated roofs
Is take it slow, go with the flow
Up and down the grooves
The pressure of the water lifts
And peels old paint away
And covers everything in sight
With flaky, old-paint spray
The house walls and the windows
The car and half the drive
The roses in the garden are
Unlikely to survive
I’ve insights into nature though
Its habits more or less
I’m counting on a heavy rain
To clear up all this mess
I’ve learned from past experience
And practice well rehearsed
As soon as I apply some paint
The bloody clouds will burst
16/5/2016 NOTHING TO HIDE
They said the right to privacy
Would be no longer ours
When introducing changes
That gave them sweeping powers
They said we should have nowt to hide
If we’d done nothing wrong
But now it seems those same MPs
Have found another song
Reviews into what lawyers do
With MPs’ offshore money
Should be shut down immediately
Such off-key songs sound funny
National security
Was at stake they cried
When dealing to our privacy
While on the other side
I.R.D.’s instructed
To can their planned review
So Must-have and Fun-seeker
Could stay well out of view
And hide who’s on the gravy train
And where it might meander
But any sauce that’s good for the goose
Is worth a proper gander
30/5/2016 WINDOWS 10
They’re duping us with cons and tricks
Like crosses where there should be ticks
So they can circumvent our clicks
With an unwanted visit
As if they haven’t got enough
Microsoft is playing tough
With all this unrequested stuff
Just who’s computer is it?!
13/6/2016 FORWARD PASS
New Zealand’s favourite referee
The infamous Wayne Barnes
Whose refereeing style’s the same
As that of Genghis Khan’s
Has done himself no favours
With stuff-ups looming large
And over-ruling T.M.O.s
To prove that he’s in charge
Just what is Barnes’s beef with us?
Why does he hate us so?
Why can’t he just apologise
And let some good will grow?
And now he’s turned another game
Into an All Black farce
It seems he needs a damn good kick
Right up his forward pass.
27/6/2016 SPIN IT WIDE
We’ve had the winter solstice
The longest night now gone
Our days will all be brighter
And warmer from now on
The world is spinning faster
Than a ‘Brexit’-style campaign
How will the winners celebrate
With brown ale or champagne
And not just spinning faster
The world’s turned upside down
As England beat the Wallabies
And Iceland go to town
11/7/2016 CHOCOLATE COMBO
Ancient Inca cocoa beans
Smooth as Persian silk
Combine in perfect harmony
With flowing full-cream milk
Milk from placid pasture cows
That stand and chew the cud
While meadow larks sing summer songs
And frogs play in the mud
Cocoa from the forest heights
Laced with steamy heat
Alive with screeching parrots
And primal jungle beat
A carnival of coloured sound
Lifts off in feathered flight
And pyramids of gleaming gold
Emerge from every bite
Like Amazonian butterflies
Exotic flavours rise
And flutter through the foreign lands
Behind my half closed eyes
This is chocolate’s magic gift
A means of transportation
A gastronomic passport to
The realms of exultation
25/7/2016 DIVE DEEP
Down in Downing Street this week
The ‘Darling Buds of May’
Have blossomed from a ‘House of Cards’
Brexit power-play
It’s bye-bye Biden, hello vessel
From the U.S.A.
No Russians rushin’ off to Rio
Doping’s not O.K
I have a dream – one day all men
And all plagiarists too
Will learn to look within themselves
And only speak what’s true
For where do true competitors go
For perfect line and length
They learn to go within themselves
To find their inner strength
And what did Trubridge do to bridge
The fear of being crushed
He dived to depths within himself
Where all self-doubt is hushed
15/8/2016 RATES
Interest in our interest rates
Are causing some distortion
Inflation rates have been blown up
Out of all proportion
Reporting on exchange rates should
Be swapped for something better
Postal rates aren’t changing though
They’re sticking to the letter
The council rates leave us irate
They’re pirates in disguise
While wetter weather penetrates
From saturated skies
Our Kiwi teams commiserate
And wipe tears from their eyes
The one thing we can’t tolerate
Is Aussies with the prize
29/8/2016 PAIN RELIEF
Why would you ease the suffering
Of those who are in pain?
If it irritates your voters and
There’s no political gain
‘No-one wants a tinny
At the bottom of their street’
Where bottle-stores and brothels
Are trying to make ends meet
Or opposite the paedophile
Right beside the school
Or close to the casino where
The one-armed bandits rule
The message to communities
Is that we really care
But cannabis as medicine
Might harm our voter share
12/9/2016 BELIEVE IT OR NOT
Colin got caught calling
With messages too hot
It’s best when preaching values
Not to lose the plot
One instant Winston’s whining
Next instant Winston’s not
It’s best when calling kettles ‘black’
Not to be the pot
A million dollar average while
Some families have to squat
Show the claim that ‘there’s no crisis’ is
A hokey lotta rot
26/9/2016 SURE TO RISE
It’s like the Kiwi bible
Is the Edmunds cookery book
A gastronomic gospel
Of just how and what to cook
It shows you how to make a cake
And bake delicious bites
Plus of course your favourite sauce
And many more delights
For lovers of best-sellers
This surely takes the prize
If it’s not in the top ten yet
Don’t fret – it’s sure to rise
10/10/2016 TO BE A SEAL
How would it feel to be a seal
Basking on the beach
An ocean full of fish and ships
Right there within your reach
Soaking up the solar rays
Working on your tan
While the playful penguins play
At catch me if you can
Some things you must imagine
They’re just too hard to teach
How it would feel to be a seal
Basking on the beach
24/10/2016 WHAT’S UP DOC?
DOC wants more ten-eighty
To kill the possums off
The dolphin dock in Auckland
Did not impress Phil Goff
The junior doctors went on strike
The senior doc’s cashed in
Half a thousand bucks an hour’s –
Like a Lotto win
Because their applications
Were doctored over-seas
We’re sending innocent Indians back
But not their student fees
7/11/2016 GRAPES OF WRATH
And then the heat of day gave way
To rain as clouds filled in
And distant thunder rumbled
Like hippo hooves on tin
Fat and heavy droplets fell
Like grapes with swollen bellies
The leaden skies were threatening
An afternoon in wellies
The bumble bees oblivious
Continued with their chores
Like chubby chaps on motorbikes
They tour the great out doors
In and out the garden beds
Then off to who knows where
They somehow dodge the rods of rain
That clutter up the air
21/11/2016 DOING IT ROUGH
A special squad from Christchurch
Left without delay
Heading north on broken roads
With landslips in the way
Driven by their duty
Guided by the stars
In search of earthquake refugees
Still sleeping in their cars
Not to bring them food and drink
Or clothes or rescue hampers
But to fine them all for being
Flagrant freedom campers
5/12/2016 LEGACY
Each leader leaves a legacy
So what will John Key’s be?
The pulling of a ponytail
Or widespread poverty
The teapot tapes, the flag that failed
The Auckland housing crisis
The awkward three-way hand-shake
His plans to combat Isis
The end of social housing
A tax on capital gains
Tolls on roads and bridges
A brand new tax on planes
Underfunding mental health
The widespread use of ‘P’
Pollution of our waterways
The pillaging of the sea
Commercializing National Parks
Privatizing jails
The ‘no rights’ ninety day work trial
The vital assets sales
The education dumb-down
The widened income gap
The Nova- pay debacle
The ‘dirty politics’ flap
All or any of these facts?
No nothing of the sort
He’ll just pay Paula Rebstock
To write a new report
Each leader leaves a legacy
So what will John Key’s be?
One of self-enhancement
Or human decency?
Will he be remembered for
The flip-flops that he turned?
His retrospective laws
Or the promises he burned?
Or will he be remembered as
A brave and handsome knight?
A man with heart and passion
Who simply put things right
19/12/2016 CHRISTMAS MESSAGE
Beneath the pile of presents
The frazzled Christmas shopping
The cards and decorations
The cake and champagne popping
Beneath the ham and turkey
The flaming pud and pies
Beneath the tinselled fake pine tree
The Christmas message lies
Observe the golden rule
Be generous and true
And do unto thy neighbours
Before they do to you
POEMS OF THE WEEK 2015
1/6/2015 FIFA
The under-twenty world cup will
Soon be underway
With team officials wondering
Just who they’re meant to pay
We don’t do dodgy backroom deals
There’s no corruption here
It’s Middle Earth not Middle East
So let’s get one thing clear
In kickback-free New Zealand
There are no bribery bosses
Although McCully may be keen
To cover recent losses
15/6/2015 A HITCHHIKER'S RIDE THROUGH THE GALAXY
A time a place
A curve in space
The comet’s graceful arc
The Lander and
Its host as planned
Speed through the cold and dark
A cosmic clock
A craggy rock
Pure stardust in its wake
A silent night
A ray of light
Some simple cells awake
Its small array
So far away
Up in that starry dome
Soaks up the sun
Till charging ’s done
And Philae can phone home
29/6/2015 ONE OFF EVENTS
The weather’s getting more intense
As any fool can see
There’s more and more one off events
Each year there’s two or three
Tornados tour the hinterland
There’s drought in northern parts
The south’s a frozen wonderland
As soon as winter starts
A once a century rain rains down
There’s flooding here and there
In city streets and field and town
There’s water everywhere
Communities left ill at ease
Emergencies each week
Calamities, catastrophes
Even as we speak
There’s gale force winds and snowy falls
And earthquakes too to boot
Our backs are up against the walls
Our scientists are mute
Some comfort for the poor insane
At least we’re not alone
The whole world’s on this weather train
Into the great unknown
13/7/2015 DEMOCRATIC RIGHTS AND WRONGS
As winter grips North Islanders
Down South we feel your pain
Despite the lack of Highlanders
The All Blacks win again
A lower dairy pay-out sucks
Another pit-bull bites
A jail absconding escapee
Demands his civil rights
Democracy’s too dangerous
For Canterbury it seems
You give those people power and
They’ll start preserving streams
There’s white whales in our waters
Black widows in our grapes
Cancer sticks are fine to smoke
But not those harmless ‘Vapes’
China’s stocks are crashing
Greece is going bust
Bankers turn to governments
Investments turn to dust
27/7/2015 PIGEON PIE
High up in a cherry tree
A wee wood- pigeon sat
Gorging on the berries till
He grew quite big and fat
Grew plumper than a possum
Grew fatter than a cat
Grew so wide on either side
He squashed the branches flat
He grew so fat he could not fly
It made me sad it made me cry
But in truth, oh my, oh my!
That pigeon made a lovely pie
(burb)
And that’s the end of that
10/8/2015 A CASE-IN POINT
Pay peanuts – you get monkeys
The clichés never cease
But pay those monkeys millions
And their IQs will increase
The media are milking it
The farmers feel the pain
The foreign banks are creaming it
Big profits once again
The latest dairy payout –
Although the tank is full
With one thing or an udder,
Is unsustainabull
Cold comfort for producers –
That interest rates are easing,
Without their winter Jerseys
Half the cows are Friesian
24/8/2015 THE WORM HAS TURNED
Beware the wounded tiger-worm
Most dangerous of them all
They could become man-eaters
If men weren’t quite so tall
Thank God Work Safe New Zealand
Has brought some sense to bear
On high-risk occupations
Where there’s danger everywhere
There’s mayhem on the Mini-golf
Alpaca bites are rife
Some stringent regulations here
Could stem the loss of life
Next time the curtain lady calls
With samples as she said
Make sure she’s in a high-viz vest
With hard-hat on her head.
7/9/2015 WHO'S TO BLAME?
I had a taxing problem
Gave IRD a call
Politely they informed me
That Winz had dropped the ball
So I got Winz’s number
And gave a hopeful dial
I listened to the music
And waited for a while
Waited, waited, waited
Their greatest hits played on
My patience dissipated
My smile had long since gone
I waited for ten minutes
Fifteen turned to twenty
After half an hour
I felt I’d waited plenty
I guessed they must be short of staff
And didn’t have a clue
Where to find some unemployed
In need of work to do
The irony was tragic
But not a special case
I thought it would be quicker if
I saw them face to face
I went down to their building where
It’s true I’d been before
A phalanx of three body-guards
Met me at the door
There in case of trouble
Looking tough but bored
‘Why three?’ I thought then reasoned
That’s all they could afford
I understood the anger
So many clients feel
No way to even have a say
This system can’t be real
Ushered in to stand and wait
And wait and wait in line
Till finally I saw someone
With frowns as mean as mine
I told them my dilemma
They seemed to show no shame
While looking at their screen they said
‘No, A.C.C.’s to blame’
So should I bother calling
Or flag the thing away
I thought I’d better calm down first
And try another day
21/9/2015 HOW LOW
Charging schools for public parks
It makes you stop and think
Pepper-spraying little girls
How low can you sink
Dentists killing lions
Why? It’s hard to know
Journo’s kicking refugees
How low can you go?
A little lower it would seem
With retrospective law
The hypocrites in power rob
The poorest of the poor
Their own pay-rise backdated
With travel perks for life
A junket for the hubby
An upgrade for the wife
It’s one law for the poor
And another for the rich
For some life’s one big party
For others it’s a bit different.
5/10/2015 OZZIE COUSIES
We’ve many similarities
With those across the ditch
But recently relationships
Have run into a hitch
That ban on kiwi apples
Despite so-called fair trade
No social help or benefit
Despite the taxes paid
Forget about the underarm
That once defined a nation
Now it’s cruel detention camps
And heartless deportation
Although we both speak English
And both our flags are blue
We’re worlds apart in culture,
Compassion and I.Q.
19/10/2015 HAY-FEVER
Spring is sprung, the grass is riz
Hay-fever’s on the rise
There’s sniffling and snuffling
And fingers rubbing eyes
Nature may be bursting forth
But pollen-laden breezes
Lead to red, raw tear-ducts
And constant violent sneezes
Pass around the tissues
And hints on what to do
You may have dodged it up till now
But this one’s aimed ‘ATCHOO!’
2/11/2015 THE FINAL AMEN
16/11/2015 BLACK FRIDAY
The horoscope for your star sign
Is pretty bleak today
Black Friday will affect you in
A detrimental way
You’ll talk to someone that you know
But not know what they meant
You’ll have a spell of weather
Some money will be spent
Number thirteen will loom large
Beware of cats and ladders
Steer clear of female sceptics
And men with dodgy bladders
Whatever your beliefs may be
Or your core convictions
You’ll be exposed to poetry
And dubious predictions
30/11/2015 BIRDS OF A FEATHER
A songbird sang on Bethells Beach
The Dotterels in the dunes
Found it hard to swallow
The fuss about her tunes
We are knot amused they said
By all this filming lark
And surely you could take more kea
Where your vehicles park
‘OK, just keep your heron’
Came the swift reply
‘Don’t worry we’ll just pay the bill
Before things go awry’
The gullible believed them
The pipers all played on
And then before you knew it
The flocking lot had gone.
14/12/2015 POPULATION OR HOUSING DENSITY
Auckland has a problem
But it seems they just can’t see
The rub’s too many people
Not a housing paucity
All the experts seem to want
A full-on building spree
But urban sprawl’s not wanted so
The answer needs to be
High-rise, in-fill housing
From sea to C B D
And so my one quick question is
Just how dense can you be?
28/12/2015 PEACE ON EARTH
It’s Christmas day at my place
So where do we begin
Throw back the bedroom curtains
And let the sun flood in
Outside the birds are singing
It’s barely six o’clock
First of all I need to pee
Then check my Christmas sock
Beneath the decorated tree
The bulging stocking lies
Full of cherries, wine and treats
Chocolates and mince pies
The radio plays carols
Their harmonies sound sweet
I dress in shorts and t-shirt
With jandals on my feet
There’s evidence a-plenty
That Santa’s done his round
His reindeer or a possum have
Left presents on the ground
A walk around the native bush
Through the dappled light
Creates a sense of wonder and
Works up an appetite
Then breakfast at the breakfast bar
Out on the patio
Coffee, cream and croissants
A pigeon sweeps in low
A blackbird in the bird-bath
Splashes with delight
A tui pipes a cheerful tune
While hidden out of sight
The goldfish in their lilied pond
Cruise in all directions
The maples round the edges bow
To touch their own reflections
The roses stand with perfect poise
Oozing scented joy
There’s not a breath of wayward wind
No traffic to annoy
There’s only leafy harmony
Blue skies without a crease
The lawns were all mown yesterday
Today’s a day of peace
Peace and quiet solitude
For everything alive
A peace that will be shattered once
The relies all arrive
8/6/2015 HARDY FOLK
Road collapses on the hills
Where the rains came down
Landslips on the lower roads
The harbour’s muddy brown
South Dunedin’s flooded
The worse we’ve seen in years
Brave faces in the doorways
Back rooms filled with tears
Some homes evacuated
It’s best to take precautions
Dunedin’s copped a deluge
Of biblical proportions
Forty days and forty nights worth
Fell in twenty hours
But Southerners are hardy folk
We’re use to passing showers
22/6/2015 THE WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT
Kauri logs from swampy bogs
Are smuggled out from under
The noses of authorities
By those intent on plunder
Wide discontent at money spent
On some extravagant sign
The minister for housing
Is called on to resign
Few safeguards for exported sheep
Their welfare or condition
You have to take your hat off to
The Sikh refused admission;
Wind and rain and snow and floods
Murder trials and grief;
Perhaps a world cup final
Will bring some light relief.
6/7/2015 WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW
Socrates was once declared
The wisest man – it’s true
For he alone of all the Greeks
Knew how little he knew
Billions and billions
Of bankers bucks were leant
But no-one seems to know or care
How the cash was spent
It went on education
A lesson for the poor
So now they know a whole lot less
And owe a whole lot more
20/7/2015 FROZEN
Jack Frost has been a wandering
Around the wooded hills
Leaving crystal calling cards
And spreading winter chills
A frozen winter wonderland
Upon a film of ice
With animated characters
Some good, some not so nice
A spell of freezing weather
Has brought about a change
There’s something in the water
The land is looking strange
The ponds are frozen solid
A Bonspiel’s underway
The curling is unfurling
As the Sun comes out to play
The magic of the scenery
Designer white on white
With heroines and villains locked
Into a frosty fight
There’s rumblings and grumblings
As granite grazes ice
And liquid warmth from barley malt
A necessary vice
These hardy men and women who
Feel neither cold nor pain
With games complete now vow to meet
When Jack Frost calls again
3/8/2015 THROW AWAY THE KEY
They’re filming fights on mobile phones
And smoking dope and braking bones
But prison costs are low
The jailed inmates have been let loose
Hi on dope and home-brewed juice
What clowns are running this show?
Take the drop or cough up cash
Run the drugs or face the bash
These crimes do more than irk us
It’s enough to make you think
Is this camp or is this clink
Or just a three ringed Sercos
17/8/2015 RINSE AND SPIT
As above – so below
Ten thousand well drilled holes
Peer down from soft-board ceiling tiles
At panic-stricken souls
In the dreaded dental chair
Paper bib and goggles to
Protect you from all harm
A giant pizza-pie-shaped light
On double-jointed arm
Lie back and think of England
Or any other place
As latex covered foreign fingers
Forage in your face
Rubber gloves in blubber mouth
Lips and tongue gone numb
The smell and taste of powdered tooth
But worse is yet to come
Suction draws out all the drool
Cool air pin-points the pain
The snake-like, high-pitched, whining drill
Powers up again
Prod and poke and gag and choke
Breathing’s hard to manage
And then the feared extraction as
The invoice shows the damage
31/8/2015 WRITING A POEM
When you’re writing poetry
Don’t be vain or vague
And steer well clear of clichés
Avoid them like the plague
Write in the first person
Express your point of view
And maybe crib from someone else
A style that’s really you
Explain to all the waiting world
Why you’re misunderstood
And use your full vocabulary
That’s really, really, good
Alliteration’s ill-advised
And so is measured meter
And if you must use couplets
At least make sure they rhyme
Focus on your feelings
The drivel and the dirge
And lo: before you know it
A poem will emerge
14/9/2015 FOLLOW YOUR LEADER
We’re doing all right in the rugby and rowing
The milk and the honey aren’t quite overflowing
House prices are up, the economy’s slowing
To fix or to float there’s no way of knowing
Support for the flag – your colours are showing
Desire for new – or allegiances owing
The cold winds of change are building and blowing
But will they affect the sustained status quo-ing
The refugee question is growing and growing
Political flip-flops with to-ing and fro-ing
Who’s dragging their feet? Who’s doing the towing?
Now follow your leader to where you were going
28/9/2015 GOING UPSTAIRS
It’s rugby for breakfast, dinner and tea
The passion, the glory, the fame
If you’re feeling left out ’cause you don’t know the rules
Here’s a quick overview of the game
Crouch, bind, set the scrum
Too slow, get the ball into play
Popping up, pulling down and Spinning it round
Collapsing, not rolling away
Deliberate knock-on, accidental offside
Upending and coming around
Lazy running, lost forward, calling a mark
Man playing the ball on the ground
Out on the full, not going back ten
Quick throw-in not with the right ball
The ball wasn’t out, hands in the ruck
And a man splitting off from the maul
Ball not in straight, too few in the line
Come back for a dangerous head high
It’s penalty kick after penalty kick
And nobody really knows why
Impeding the runner, advantage is over
Playing the man in the air
Yellow or red for back-chatting the ref’
Double play on the line, is he there?
We’re going upstairs to fully review
Every angle at very slow speed
There must be a reason not to award it
Just take all the time that you need
12/10/2015 NO WORRIES, SHE’LL BE RIGHT, TRUST ME
You had to be inside the tent –
The T.P.P. tepee
Or sitting at the table
To be able to agree
With all the unknown pros and cons
And flaws that spring to mind
Otherwise it’s hardly wise
To simply sign up blind
So don’t Pooh-pooh protesters who
Pooh-pooh the T.P.P.
They only want to know what’s what
And see less secrecy
26/10/2015 DREAM(dec-)LINERS
Christchurch airport is the pits
For those in need of rest
For little airport Hitlers
It’s a persecution fest
Denying folk a human need
Is neither cool nor funny
Especially when its rationale
Is just to gouge more money
How grateful are you Christchurch
For all the help you got?
Is this your warmest welcome?
Is this your best? or what?
Harassing weary travellers
In need of forty winks
Your atavistic policy’s pathetic
And it stinks
You’re out of touch with decency
And how the public feel
And where are all your P.R. team?
Asleep behind the wheel!
9/11/2015 LOYAL FANS AND SUBJECTS
No All Blacks’ games, no Black caps’ ties
No victory parade
No media to cover it
Should any news be made
Dunedin is New Zealand too
Though some may seem to quiz it
It’s nice to know the royals though
Have found us worth a visit
A ‘haere mai’ at Taieri High
A Toitu tour for two
A railway train, a car, a plane
Then off to pastures new
A walk about, a meet and greet
A speech, a face-to-face
One wonders if the those sporting teams
Could match their gruelling pace
23/11/2015 NUMBER 11
The football world had Pele
Cricket had sir Don
In Rugby it was Jonah
Who’s legend now lives on
A global giant of the game
A quiet gentle man
The loss of Lomu saddens each
And every rugby fan
He gave us magic moments
We watched in disbelief
And then so humble off the field
His bright life far too brief
A greater gift than anyone
Who’d ever played before
The man with time for everyone
Alas no time no more
7/12/2015 NO CLIMATE FOR CHANGE
There’s mayhem in the Middle East
It’s all so complicated
A war to save the people
Yet refugees are hated
The risk of greater conflict
Has just been escalated
As Britain votes for air-strikes
The Tories are elated
In Paris global warming
Is heatedly debated
In USA mass killings
Continue unabated
In Africa the Steenkamp camp
Are celebrating yet
The latest twist
Leaves Oscar Pist-
-orius upset
Back home the beef in Wellington
Is berries with Hep A
But at least we’re fully fruit-fly
Free as from today
21/12/2015 GLOBAL WARMING
No balmy breeze
No palmy trees
No pale pacific moon
Will ever be reflected in
The perfect blue lagoon
A tiny tidal atoll made
Entirely of sand
Fights the ocean’s motions as
They lash against the land
The silent island’s highlands
Sink in to the sea
But that’s just global warming
It’s nowt to do with me